Posts tagged ‘games’

EVIL CHILD GENIUS FORMULATED MASTER PLAN FOR WORLD DOMINATION WHILE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. Hmm, that might be too long.

The computer games industry needs to learn that making games about guns and cars are not a good idea. They should have seen the trouble Rockstar had with GTA last year, so it astounds me when a company makes a self prescribed genocide simulator

Sure the developer, Introversion, has given the game beautiful vector graphics, a haunting sound track and addictive multiplayer but that’s no excuse for them teaching our children that genocide is ok. The game could have been about lawns, weeds and drops of Roundup and still have been as fascinating.

It’s only a matter of time before a crazy lawyer catches wind of this game, or some kid makes their own bomb from materials bought online and bombs their school to teach the bullies a lesson.

How about TEENAGER USED GENOCIDE SIMULATOR. Yes that’s more catchy.

I’ve done it, I’ve caved. Too many people with too many DSes and it all got too much for me.

Look at all the white shiny things. Now all I need is the iPhone and the OTViP which should be out any day never.

Also, I saw the Opera DS Browser which might be coming out soon here, too. In a way, the DS is an investment; if I can browse wireless networks with it, I’m less likely to get seduced by a laptop. Also, BioWare is branching out to the DS, so I’m guaranteed at least one good game in the future.

What impresses me most about the DS though is just the ease of multiplayer. To be able to sit down with one copy of Starfox or Big Brain Academy and play a game with five of your friends, with only a very small waiting period is really amazing. And, Mario is surprisingly addictive. Excuse me.

The upcoming Halo movie got itself a new director recently, but lost a script. My hit-sensing senses are still wavering. There’s no reason why a Halo film shouldn’t rock to high heaven but people screw things up all the time. Let’s look at the history of the project.

Way back in June last year, Microsoft sent out scripts to studios, carried by men in Master Chief outfits. Classy, huh? Many folk were not keen on the script, but Universal picked it up anyway. It’s unclear whether there were giant spiders in it but you can probably find the script online. I mean, I could have, but I found a bunch of links already. What do you want from me? The Wikipedia page on all this is way more informative than this post. Why do I even bother?

Ahem. Sorry. Sometimes it just gets to me, y’know?

Anyhow, things got way way way cooler when it was announched that Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh would be producing. I’ve gone on record against their insatiable addiction to slow motion and unhealthy Warg obsession. But hey, a bit of slow mo would suit Halo to the ground. Also, Weta will be doing the effects. Say “From the Makers of The Lord of the Rings,” push the adventure aspects and some cool shots from Weta and you’ve got a hit.

But then they go and change the script, in the sense that they drop the old one and get someone to write a new one. This could be an improvement, but I get nervous when scripts get switched and sorted on big films. Before you know it you’ve got seven people writing it and touch-ups from Joss Whedon and Tom Stoppard. Where’s your artistic vision then? Hmmmm?

And today the director was announced. His name is Neill Blomkamp and he hasn’t actually made a motion picture before, BUT amongst other things he made a short sci-fi film called Alive in Joburg, which you can download here (77mb). It’s pretty cute and has quite a Halo-ish sensibility about how it treats its aliens. He also made that cool Citroen commercial with the dancing transforming car. So this is probably good news too. For one thing, he’s not Uwe Boll.

The way I see it, this film has the chance to be the best sci-fi action film in the history of everything. No pressure.

Oh, and Denzel might be the Chief.

• June 1st: DS Lite released in Australia
• 2nd: iinet installs DSLAMs in Cheltenham and start transfering customers to faster broadband. We buy a faster modem.
• 3rd: Doctor doesn’t accidentally land in London and prevent an alien invasion.
• 4th: Angelina Jolie turns 31
• 5th: The one true iPod is supposed to be released but isn’t.
• 8th: Mario returns (For sickos who like old Italian plumbers with moustaches)
• 9th: Football World Cup begins. Get your betting caps on.
• 12th: Public Holiday. Woooooo!
• 14th: Lois and Clark season 1 DVD release
• 15th: Brain Training released.
• 17th: DS connection tour at Chadstone
• 18th: DS connection tour at Eastland
• 19th: Bug Off competition in Animal Crossing.
• 20th: World Juggling Day
• 25th: George Orwell turns 104
• 26th: The one true iPod isn’t released again.
• 29th: Superman Returns
• 30th: Superman’s Birthday. He got back just in time for presents.

Nintendo says “Wii will rock you.” By which they mean that they’ve renamed their next console. It’s not Revolution anymore. I don’t hate the new name. It’s unique. It’s … sigh … it’s just that it’s pronounced ‘wee’ — as in urine. I sympathise; I understand the troubles of choosing a name. But Wii?

I’m pro-choice. I believe that a baby should be brought into this world with a loving family or not at all. So that’s why this week I cancelled my DS Lite order. The price is not going to be dropped to the original price of US$169 for weeks, so I could have waited or incurred the import tax. Neither option is palatable. Would it be a loving family if every time you looked at your baby you thought how much it cost you a hundred dollars more than necessary? Or that you could’ve’d it weeks ago? I was chatting to a guy on the net and he said that he’s never been taxed even thought he’s imported lots of expensive stuff. Google showed me pages from the Australian government suggesting either a $250 limit or a $1000 limit. So I might’ve been able to import without the extra cost. It’s like being told your baby may be born with an extra foot or muscular dystrophy. I didn’t want to live with the uncertainty.

Other reasons for the cancellation:

• My excitement about the DS Lite has gone. With the delays, price rises and Australia never getting anything first I feel bitter about the whole situation.
• I was also worried that I would love one child more than the other, that I might shun the orginal as if it told me that it was emo.
• Lik-sang have cancelled their payback points so the DS Lite and a recent games purchase would’ve got me up to 3/4 of a free game. No more.
• The DS Lite has a different power cord to the original, so I would need an adapter of some sort. I’ll wait for the Australian release, whenever that is.
• There’s also rumours of a black DS Lite.

I found it better to put the whole affair out of my mind.

On an unrelated matter, Mike, do you live in Auckland?

Or perhaps we shouldn’t. Because the last thing the internet really needs right now is another bunch of guys making jokes about this. But what the hell.

I’m not sure exactly how many jokes such a simple word can sustain. If I had to be exact I would say heaps. I have read hundreds of jokes today. You think they would stop, but they just keep on coming.

Andy and I were amazed.

Anyway I felt this site lacked a place dedicated to Wii jokes, so I made one. Notice how I’m not actually going to make any, because I’m off to bed.

Just leave you with one I stole from Eurogamer…

‘Hello mr games store owner, can I have a wii please?’

‘No, the bathroom is for staff only’

GNAH!! Stupid importing. The price of the DS lite was originally supposed to be $230. I have no problems paying that. It turns out that everyone wanted one, so the price was increased to $280. Australian customs taxes any imports worth more than $250. The tax for importing $280 worth of electronics is $95. The shipping cost is $30. I would have to pay $405 for my DS lite. I’ve seen PSPs for less. GNAH!!

It’s been two weeks since I ordered you,
Dropped my arms to the keyboard
and said “Buy Now”
Five days since I laughed at you and said
“I’m gonna quit my job and just play you”
Three days since your release date
When you said to me that you would be shipping,
How long will I wait?
Tomorrow you might smile at me
But it’ll still be two days for international delivery.

The musical, City of Angels, is going brilliantly. Well, pretty good. We’re a little less than two weeks out and everything feels like it’s coming together. Good cast, good atmosphere, and most importantly quite a few of us seem talented too. Especially the orchestra who played with us for the first time last night. Last musical, we didn’t have drums — the difference is painfully obvious.

All this rehearsal is really cutting into my gaming and Battlestar-watching time. I’m only about 30% through Fahrenheit, and my insistence on only playing it at night is causing a slow progression. It’s worth it though — the game is more an interactive movie, and quite moody. Nothing cuts through the atmosphere quite like your mother asking you to do the dishes, and the spookier scenes are enhanced greatly by the slight paranoia that creeps into one’s head when you’re sitting in a dark room with huge windows by yourself at midnight.

It’d be a game worth trying the Alexia treatment with, but I’d feel so derivative. Should I, Andy?

The last Battlestar I watched was Black Market, which I felt was perhaps the most poor episode ever. Obviously, I’ve been spoiled, but having a poorer episode lingering in my mind is eroding my adoration for the show. I’m reliably informed we’re back to awesomeness again very soon. Given that only one episode earlier, it was tremendously awesome, it’s not really even worth complaining. But look, I have.