Posts tagged ‘Nintendo DS’

I have many words of a Burnout: Paradise review sitting about on my hard drive, and yet I still don’t feel like I’ve actually said enough to truly call it a “review”. And so, from now on, I will blog about games, because I’m lazy and most certainly not dedicated enough to finish a game before anyone else is bored of it.

Residing in my DS at the moment is The World Ends With You, a crazy new game from the reliable folks at Square Enix. My favourite games for the DS which haven’t involved Mario or Phoenix Wright seem recently to be made by Square; they’ve got a real dedication to making DS games which truly take advantage of the platform.

World is a fun old time, and much of this is from the crazy combat (there’s a picture above). The touch screen of the DS has been used for several neat things in the past, but this could be my favourite. On the bottom screen it’s essentially combat-by-gesture; slash across your character to shoot in that direction, slash upwards to create a giant icicle, tap various enemies to create chain lightning, drag along the ground to set it on fire…

But people with eyes may have noticed that there’s also a top screen, and one has to fight on both of them. Splitting your attention between two screens makes for a frenetic experience, and I enjoy the combat, but at this stage I almost wish I were playing a game with just the bottom screen. Often my right hand ends up scribbling like a mad thing, and I can’t quite concentrate on either part of the battle completely. World is what it is, and what it is is awesome, but I hope to play a game one day with the gesture combat brought completely to the fore in a more relaxed fashion.

Ideally, this game will also made by Square Enix.

I may need an intervention. My efforts at avoiding a cult have only left me open to another dangerous obsession. Of course, I saw it coming, but I was unprepared for its dangerous allure. Gaming has become a very real vice for me.

This is not to say that I’m a hardcore gamer. My paltry gamerscore currently sits at 2,715 which barely rivals certain other, more dedicated folk. But there’s the rub, right there. That’s what sucked me in. Statistics. Sneaky, fiddly little statistics. Because that 2,715 isn’t just one number, but an aggregation of achievements that I’ve accrued in various games. Perhaps even that might not have sucked me in, but for a certain other game’s nefarious influence.

Halo 3 came out a little while back and has gone some way to consuming my spare time. The game obviously comes with its requisite 1000 available points for your gamerscore, but there’s more than that. There’s this. Every single game you ever play, listed, categorised, broken down, analysed, outlined and summarised.

So now, not only is gaming eating into my other hobbies, but gaming is eating into my gaming. Why play Zelda on the Wii if I will receive no points? Ace Attorney 3 on the DS (dutifully imported by Jackson) is at least holding my attention, due to the same delightfully ridiculous sense of humour that has run through the entire series.

And now, a segue.

Ace Attorney is a game about lawyers.

Now I am talking about lawyers.

We had some lawyers come to talk to us at work, and sitting across the table from them made me realise just what a whacked out view of them I really have, courtesy of David E. Kelley. I was constantly disappointed as they failed to sing, dance, engage in witty repartee, have affairs with each other, pour the water in a slow trickle, announce their name and say nothing more, or just admire the skin underneath women’s jaws.

Must try harder, lawyers. You’re being left behind by fiction.

2pm. Malpractice Investigation. Stanford Hospital.

Alright, you want the truth — yes, I did kill a man. Is that what you want to hear? Are you happy now? But before you rush off to get me fired, you should know that the circumstances were extremely mitigating.

I’d been working at my other job for 8 hours, then there were Friday night drinks and I was catching the bus home. A man came up to me and showed me a small piece of glass sticking into his right arm.

The piece of glass appeared to be a minor injury, capable of being treated by an idiot. So even though I was on a bus and slightly drunk, I decided to give it a go. I said:

I was relaxed about the procedure. The patient blood pressure was 130 over 70 and the pulse was 80, which is not mentioned on his chart. I could take my time. The conditions in the bus were sub-optimal and hindered me more than I realised. Normally an operation looks like this:

Today, there were smudges, fingerprints and dust on my glasses:

My drinking had made me over confident and blurred my vision:

The bus was swerving from side to side:

The bright afternoon light made it difficult to see:

And then in she walked:

I lost blood pressure in my brain:

I tried to pick up a pair of tweezers to extract the glass. “Ow!” said the patient.
“Sorry, that must be the syringe,” I apologised.
“Argh!” said the patient.
“Whoops, that’s the laser.” I apologised again.
“ARRGH …” said the patient.
I said “Good, he’s fainted from the pain.”
“Excuse me doctor,” said the hot nurse, “you’re holding the scalpel.”
“Hello Nurse!” I helpfully replied.
“Doctor, if you could stop looking at my breasts for one second, you’d see that the patient is dying.”
“No problem,” I answered. This was my chance to show off my mad skills to the hot nurse. “I’ve got the Healing Touch. I just draw a five sided star like this, and time slows down.”
“Doctor! You’re still holding the scalpel! The patient is hemorrhaging from numerous wounds.”
“No problemo. I’ll use some of that magic green healing goop.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Are you even a real doctor?” she shouted.
And that’s when we arrived at the hospital.

The Chief Malpractice Investigator shook his head in disbelief. “It’s a good thing for you that all our doctors have automatic save insurance. Would you like to reload?”
“Yes, please.”

I’ve done it, I’ve caved. Too many people with too many DSes and it all got too much for me.

Look at all the white shiny things. Now all I need is the iPhone and the OTViP which should be out any day never.

Also, I saw the Opera DS Browser which might be coming out soon here, too. In a way, the DS is an investment; if I can browse wireless networks with it, I’m less likely to get seduced by a laptop. Also, BioWare is branching out to the DS, so I’m guaranteed at least one good game in the future.

What impresses me most about the DS though is just the ease of multiplayer. To be able to sit down with one copy of Starfox or Big Brain Academy and play a game with five of your friends, with only a very small waiting period is really amazing. And, Mario is surprisingly addictive. Excuse me.

• June 1st: DS Lite released in Australia
• 2nd: iinet installs DSLAMs in Cheltenham and start transfering customers to faster broadband. We buy a faster modem.
• 3rd: Doctor doesn’t accidentally land in London and prevent an alien invasion.
• 4th: Angelina Jolie turns 31
• 5th: The one true iPod is supposed to be released but isn’t.
• 8th: Mario returns (For sickos who like old Italian plumbers with moustaches)
• 9th: Football World Cup begins. Get your betting caps on.
• 12th: Public Holiday. Woooooo!
• 14th: Lois and Clark season 1 DVD release
• 15th: Brain Training released.
• 17th: DS connection tour at Chadstone
• 18th: DS connection tour at Eastland
• 19th: Bug Off competition in Animal Crossing.
• 20th: World Juggling Day
• 25th: George Orwell turns 104
• 26th: The one true iPod isn’t released again.
• 29th: Superman Returns
• 30th: Superman’s Birthday. He got back just in time for presents.

Nintendo says “Wii will rock you.” By which they mean that they’ve renamed their next console. It’s not Revolution anymore. I don’t hate the new name. It’s unique. It’s … sigh … it’s just that it’s pronounced ‘wee’ — as in urine. I sympathise; I understand the troubles of choosing a name. But Wii?

I’m pro-choice. I believe that a baby should be brought into this world with a loving family or not at all. So that’s why this week I cancelled my DS Lite order. The price is not going to be dropped to the original price of US$169 for weeks, so I could have waited or incurred the import tax. Neither option is palatable. Would it be a loving family if every time you looked at your baby you thought how much it cost you a hundred dollars more than necessary? Or that you could’ve’d it weeks ago? I was chatting to a guy on the net and he said that he’s never been taxed even thought he’s imported lots of expensive stuff. Google showed me pages from the Australian government suggesting either a $250 limit or a $1000 limit. So I might’ve been able to import without the extra cost. It’s like being told your baby may be born with an extra foot or muscular dystrophy. I didn’t want to live with the uncertainty.

Other reasons for the cancellation:

• My excitement about the DS Lite has gone. With the delays, price rises and Australia never getting anything first I feel bitter about the whole situation.
• I was also worried that I would love one child more than the other, that I might shun the orginal as if it told me that it was emo.
• Lik-sang have cancelled their payback points so the DS Lite and a recent games purchase would’ve got me up to 3/4 of a free game. No more.
• The DS Lite has a different power cord to the original, so I would need an adapter of some sort. I’ll wait for the Australian release, whenever that is.
• There’s also rumours of a black DS Lite.

I found it better to put the whole affair out of my mind.

On an unrelated matter, Mike, do you live in Auckland?

GNAH!! Stupid importing. The price of the DS lite was originally supposed to be $230. I have no problems paying that. It turns out that everyone wanted one, so the price was increased to $280. Australian customs taxes any imports worth more than $250. The tax for importing $280 worth of electronics is $95. The shipping cost is $30. I would have to pay $405 for my DS lite. I’ve seen PSPs for less. GNAH!!

It’s been two weeks since I ordered you,
Dropped my arms to the keyboard
and said “Buy Now”
Five days since I laughed at you and said
“I’m gonna quit my job and just play you”
Three days since your release date
When you said to me that you would be shipping,
How long will I wait?
Tomorrow you might smile at me
But it’ll still be two days for international delivery.