Posts tagged ‘soccer’

In a joint statement earlier this morning, Thomas Charman and Andrew Cocker, speaking as representatives of the vast ATYPICALREVIEW staff, declared war on Italy and all its sundry bits and pieces, if indeed it has any of those.

“This is the last straw,” said Mr Cocker. “The straw that broke the camel’s back. The straw basket that fell apart dropping all your eggs. The straw kryptonite dagger stabbing you in your back. Do you know those conniving dogs have been playing games while we slept? We’re not going to take this lying down any longer. And their nickname ‘Les Azzurri’ — the translation is ‘les blue’. How stupid is that? Les blue. Doesn’t even make any sense. What else are they hiding from us?”

The announcement came hot on the heels of Italy’s defeat of home team Germany in extra time in the World Cup semi-finals. ATR betting funds already decimated by Italy’s defeat of Australia last month were further damaged by Germany’s loss.

“The Italians have grievously and maliciously sabotaged our monetary interests in the World Cup,” declared Mr Charman. “They have dashed our hopes and dreams of boodles galore. I hereby declare war on the country, and a boycott of all their products. No more will I wear Armani Suits. My Prada shoes — in the bin.”

“Life memberships of the We Love Puccini Opera Club have been burnt by our white hot rage,” interjected Mr Cocker.

“I’ve seen my last film at Cinema Europa,” continued Mr Charman. “What else?”

“No Italian foods. No Espressos, no Spaghetti,” added Mr Cocker.

“Er. Hah. Yes, alright, no Spaghetti.” proclaimed Mr Charman hesitantly.

“No more tasty Bolognese, creamy Alfredo or bacony Carbonara sauces,” suggested Mr Cocker, “And no Minestrone.”

“Hrmmmm. OK, no Minestrone. None of those creamy and bacony and tasty sauces.” declared Mr Charman with rapidly diminishing fervour.

“No Risotto, No Lasagne,” announced Mr Cocker as he counted items off on his fingers.

“Ack! I mean, yes. No risotto, and no … sob … lasagne.” said Mr Charman, fighting back tears.

“And no pizza,” Mr Cocker concluded.

“And no… no… ” Mr Charman paused, cast a shaken look at Mr Cocker, and collapsed to his knees, eyes skyward, fists raised in rage.

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” howled Mr Charman. “I’ll get you next time Italy. NEXT TIME!!!“

NEWS FLASH — BREAKING UPDATE

This just in; a second, somewhat hurried statement was tearfully issued later in the day, cancelling the war and ordering a Spaghetti Bolognese Pizza from Lygon St.

Tonight marks the start of Stage Two. Three quarters of the matches have been played so I imagine you’ll all have piles of boodles by now, especially since I gave the second lot of boodles three days ago. Hmm, Shannon’s up 26 boodles, Daniel’s up 3.5 – not bad.

Everyone else: I’m very disappointed in you. I see Matt’s squandered the boodles he made with his lucky bets and his second fifty boodles already. Jackson hit 0 boodles when the Sparrowhawks, aka Togo, didn’t make it to Stage Two. I hope people are noticing that betting large amounts of boodles is not successful; or was not in the past. Maybe in this new stage will be more amenable to large bets. I’m putting 50 boodles on Argentina to win v Mexico – 1.33

Jackson tells me he wants 40 boodles on Germany to win v Sweden – 1.61

Something to note about Stage Two: If you pick a team to win, I’ll assume you mean in normal time, not in extra time or with penalties. If you’re betting to go through make sure you pick the to qualify bet, or extra time or penalties if that’s what you want.

You’ve got your orders, now wager your hearts out. And hey, let’s be careful out there.

(There used to be a table here but the website hosting it died. So it’s not here now.)

Roll up! Betting’s begun. Point your nose at Centrebet. Click on ‘2006 Footbball World Cup’ in the lefthand column and select a category to bet on. ‘World Cup’ has tournament winners. ‘World Cup Group Matches’ has individual matches and ‘World Cup Group Match Specials’ has other categories.

My bets and their odds:

• 5 boodles — Germany to win the world cup — 9
• 5 boodles — England to win the world cup — 8.5
• 10 boodles — Sweden to beat Trinidad and Tobago — 1.27
• 10 boodles — Australia to beat Japan — 2.4
• 10 boodles — Michael Owen first goal scorer in game against Paraguay — 4.75
• 10 boodles — Argentina will get a red or yellow card before Ivory Coast in their game — 2.1

Google’s release of their online spreadsheet made me think that it would be handy to have an automatically embedded spreadsheet with the betting results. Unfortunately Google don’t do that. They only allow people with google accounts to view their spreadsheets. If you want to look at the results in Google spreadsheets and have a google account, email me and I’ll invite you in.

As for the embedded spreadsheet, iRows does it and the soon-to-be results are below. I’ve bet all my money so I’ve got 50 boodles invested. If you want to see everyone’s spreadsheets a search for mywc at iRows shows everyone’s betting details. Before you complain about my sloppy layout and use of functions, you should know that iRows needs a slapping — that little ho don’t like my sumif statements.

There used to be a table of results here. But it no longer exists. Life’s just a series of disappointments, isn’t it?

For this World Cup, as well as actual betting, I’m running a virtual betting competition, called My World Cup. If you’d like to enter My WC with me and have the chance to lose the shirt of your back, or win big, just express your intentions below. Any number of people can partake in My WC, the more the merrier. Entry’s free so stop tossing up about it; come join atypicalreview’s largest betting competition.

The system is thus: at the start of the round robin everyone will have 50 virtual dollars, called Boodles, to bet on the matches. Post the amount you are betting and the odds (taken from tab) and what you are betting on.

At the start of the knockout phase everyone will get another $50 to bet so those who lose it all early will have a chance to get back in.