This comes as a surprise to me too. I don’t know how half the year could disappear like that. I meant to write about how quickly time was disappearing at the start of July but the time disappeared too quickly. I’m not sure where it all went. I was in Banff and now I’m here.

I’ve got $750 of excess to pay off for bumping into that other car. That could have payed off a third of my credit card which I recently lost, so now instead of the number 4940 5213 0444 4441, it’s something horrible.

The only solution I can see to my lack of money is hard work. Not very exciting at all. I hate early mornings. I hate getting up before dawn. I hate getting up before noon actually. I hate the early mornings more than working in the rain and the wind and the splinters in my hand. I hate working on my birthday.

One week before Uni. It’s been a while. It goes without saying that an ideal life would involve some kind of never ending switching between home and various exciting but not-too-threatening foreign locales. Still, life’s pretty good currently and if I could just motivate myself to achieve some things, that’d really help.

Has anyone seen King Arthur? Currently, Jess likes it and the rest of the world thinks it’s kind of average. Personally I think I’d enjoy a bit more myth and magic. Still, Excalibur is a hard act to follow. Have they released a good DVD of that yet?

Just when you think there’s certainty in this world, a few selective truths that you can hang your hat on and accept as read, someone comes along and flips everything round.

I refer of course to the accepted wisdom of Angel fans — at least, the ones I know — “Connor is a whining, selfish, pathetic little loser and I never want to see him on this show again! Especially if he’s shagging characters I until recently really liked!”

And then they got rid of him. And I was happy. But this week, Angel’s estranged, memory-wiped son comes to Wolfram & Hart to seek advice on his growing super powers, and demon attacks on his family. Angel doesn’t want to be involved, but unfortunately for him, everyone around him also has their memory wiped and can’t understand why. So he ends up having to deal with Connor, which he doesn’t really mind so much. But Wesley has already worked out that there’s something funny going on, and that it has something to do with when they came to the evil law firm…

There’s not really much of a proper storyline to this episode. It’s more of a plotline-wrapping-up thing, as we approach the end of this series. And yet, it’s very entertaining. Many little items people wanted to see wrapped up, are.

• The Angel Team can’t remember Connor!
• Angel will never see his son again!
• What about Sahjahn? Wasn’t Connor supposed to kill him?

Of course, as someone who all season has been wanting Wesley to get his memory back, I felt a little guilty when he actually did. Hasn’t he suffered enough? Poor bastard. He’ll have stubble on his stubble, just you watch. I continue to enjoy Illyria, too. I feel ashamed that I almost prefer her to Fred. But Fred was way cuter. It’s a bit of a shame that Gunn and Lorne won’t ever get their memories back though. How selfish Wesley is.

And so, I join my voice to the chorus over the internet demanding to know how it was possible to have an enjoyable Connor-based episode, and why the hell we didn’t have one back when he was actually a regular.

Dammit! Season finales are so good sometimes, and so unimaginably crap other times. Despite quite enjoying elements of Alias‘s season three, this pathetic excuse for a finale is a bit more Chosen than ‘Becoming’, if I can use a Buffy analogy. There’s spoilers below. Naturally. But they might improve your enjoyment of the episode if you’ve not seen it.

I would say — though this is by no means a hard-and-fast rule, that a good season finale answers a few questions from its preceding season, and then raises a few more. ‘Resurrection’ does none of the first and makes only a very lame attempt at the second.

A quick summary. Vaughn, having been both betrayed and tortured by his wife/covenant spy Lauren, is out for bloody vengeance. This makes for the best scenes of the episode — his violent ambush of the conniving so-and-so is played just short of over the top by Michael Vartan. “Hi Honey!” Meanwhile, of course, Sydney is worrying that his violent, Jack Bristow assisted quest is going to be rather bad for his mental well-being. Luckily for her, Vaughn himself gets ambushed, and later finds a much less morally ambiguous opportunity to kill Lauren. How convenient.

The final showdown is in the position determined in previous episodes to be the big, final site of Rimbaldi’s reincarnatey message. Except, as it turns out, they’ve all got it wrong, because Sydney’s sister Nadia lied. Which makes a bit of sense, so I was fine with it — until I realised that they were going to use it as an excuse not to pay up. Expecting some crazy revelations from Rimbaldi? Something crazy and worldshaking to lead into the next season? Nope.

But that seemed alright, because a new and almost as tantalising plotline was dangled before us. Lauren hints at some new, underlying truth behind Sydney’s missing two years. There’s an unexpected betrayal. Jack seems a bit shiftier than normal…

But I’m afraid we’re only treated to a virtual twist. It’s not really there. I feel quite comfortable speaking about the last two minutes of the episode, because they don’t tell you a damn thing! There’s some old secret, written on paper that we see Sydney reading and getting progressively upset about. Jack walks in, looking as ambiguous as ever, and tells her she wasn’t supposed to find out… And then, we go to black.

This, people, is NOT a cliffhanger. It’s the sign leading to the cliff. It’s the mountaineering store where you buy your safety gear on the way to the cliff. After having whole seasons full of cliffhangers, you’d think JJ Abrams would know this. Luckily, there’s always season four to redeem themselves with. But shows so rarely get better in their fourth season…

Interestingly, a look at a summary of the plot at Alias TV.com seems to reveal a lot more about the documents Sydney’s reading. I’d swear that we didn’t get to see all that. Perhaps I’m going mad. Feel free to flame me if I am.

Oh, and one more thing. Isabella Rosellini is in no way attractive. In fact, she looks like a bloke. She’s no replacement for the age-defyingly hot Lena Olin. Don’t anyone over there stop trying Lena’s phone number.

I’ve been awake for close to 21 hours now, and suprisingly I feel pretty good. I’m like a real life Jack Bauer — although probably on one of his normal days, when the world isn’t in peril. You know, where you just kind of, um, go to work and then come home and do really cool things like play computer games when you probably should be napping.

Whatever. The important thing is I feel great, which makes we wonder if I ever need bother with sleep again. I mean, I don’t see why I need to sleep. Not enough goes on in my head that my brain would need to rest and if it’s a matter of energy then I’ll just eat more food, and coffee obviously.

I mean, it just has to be a matter of will power to stay awake, right? Right?

I’m off to play some Counterstrike.

Some writers on Angel have a more distinctive style than others. The vast majority, perhaps naturally, seem to attempt to emulate Joss Whedon’s style. In any given season, perhaps half the stories feel like such attempts — which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. But out of the general gloom and irritation of last season came two writers who had very strong individuality. One is Ben Endlund, of The Tick fame. The other is Steven DeKnight, who came from writing some pretty average Buffy stories and found his niche in the more dark, action-based and crazy plotlines on the superior sister-series. And, his girlfriend, apparently. Some people have all the luck.

DeKnight’s best episode (both writing and directing) last year was probably Inside Out — an essentially exposition based episode which explained to us all the horrible things that had happened to Cordelia, and why. While it’s almost certain that these reasons weren’t worth enduring episode after episode of evil-Cordy and stupid-Connor, I found it impressive at the time that the episode had actually managed to be kind of cool, with some really impressive action as well. This time round, DeKnight’s story is in the middle of a bunch of impressive episodes, and without the dead weight of lame plot devices hanging it down, it’s fantastic.

Shells is the continuation of Joss Whedon’s A Hole in the World, and differs noticeably from that story. While Whedon’s episode had his trademark mix of lightness and weight, made up of personal moments and beautiful set-pieces, DeKnight’s story feels like a comic book on TV. There’s a distinctly upped action quota, lots of intense close-ups… and, ok, a few kinda dull speeches. But hey! I watched the whole of Buffy‘s season seven — I can take a few lame speeches. The worst offender is Spike, and in truth it feels like he’s reading one of Buffy’s old scripts from that very season. “There’s a fight coming Angel, and things’ll get bad, and rough, and we writers can’t be bothered actually foreshadowing so I’m just gonna come right out and say it.”

In short — a trademark fast-paced episode, with unfortunate but rare lameness.

Oh, and Fred’s not coming back. No really, they were very insistent, there’ll be none of this ‘coming back’ malarkey. Notice how they said it many times, with much authority? These are people who know how they can be burned by fan speculation and incorrect expectations.

I read a review of Spider-Man 2 today. Interestingly, at no point was the word “corny” used. Or “cheesy”. Or “hokey”. Not once.

So let me make sure that you know something at the outset, as I think it’s important. If Spider-Man rated, say, eight on the hokey-cheesy-cornball scale, Spider-Man 2 turns it up to eleven. There are times in this movie where you can’t move for all the characters suddenly bursting into huge, didactic and tautological speeches on heroism, love and responsibility. Even Uncle Ben, the character who represented this insane, unsubtle cheesiness manages to get himself back into the film, despite being very dead.

Many of these speeches are terrible. Some are passable. All could have been sliced down to fractions of their current length without losing a thing, and made the film’s opening half far more enjoyable.

But don’t be thinking that this film is bad. It’s not all bad. Almost everything that isn’t corny is fantastic. Let me tell you about these things, and cheer us all up.

This film is very funny — puzzling given the unsubtle nature of most of the dialogue. Tobey Maguire has a knack for physical comedy, whether he be straining to lift or pull some massive object, or feigning a quite topical sore back (Maguire was almost replaced on the film due to back problems). It’s just a shame that Peter is written as the sort of nerd who doesn’t say much when nervous rather than saying a lot, as I feel Maguire could babble to excellent effect given the chance.

Most important in distinction from the previous film — the action has been stepped up quite a notch. Remember how some of the fist-fights between Spidey and the Green Goblin were uncannily reminiscent of something from the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers? No longer. It helps that Doctor Octopus looks a lot more human than the Goblin did, and it makes Spider-Man look a bit more real by comparison. And I can’t gush enough about the various arial stunts that Spider-Man performs. If you even remotely find the idea of this superhero cool, you’ll love every action scene to pieces.

Some of the nicest touches however are the glimpses we get of Peter’s personal life. Seeing him dodging the rent, delivering pizza and visiting the laundromat allows the film to span across the crazy comic book world of ridiculous physics and inadequately explained tentacles, and the harsh, yet amusing reality the rest of us find ourselves in. Lots of fantasy movies and series suffer from slipping a shade too far away from the viewers’ world — Spider-Man 2 dodges such a thing effortlessly.

The grounding effect is also achieved through the largely sympathetic Doctor Otto Octavius. Alfred Molina does a brilliant job — occasionally even with some hokey dialogue — at making a mad scientist having his brain controlled by metal tentacles seem almost believable. He and Maguire probably do the best acting jobs in the film, though James Franco and Kirsten Dunst aquit themselves well again as Harry Osbourne and Mary Jane. It’s no wonder however that Dunst has said she only wants to do one more film; MJ seems doomed to always be the damsel in distress.

Everyone everywhere seems to be raving about Spider-Man 2. I only liked it, but I suspect I’m more allergic to cheesiness than most. I probably overloaded when I watched the whole of Babylon 5. If you enjoy comic book movies, and don’t mind the occasional unsubtle monologue on heroism or responsibility — then you’ll love this one.

Ah, the continuing adventures of that guy who looks like Lindsey, talks like Lindsey, but doesn’t act a thing like him. What fun.

I’ve been very confused about the use of Lindsey this season. But that hardly figures into this episode. While trapped in a suburban hell, there’s very little opportunity to suddenly switch your motivations or decide that you want to kill someone who you made peace with two years ago. Plenty of chances for getting your heart ripped out repeatedly. And Lindsey’s taking full advantage of this.

Until, of course, our heroes decide to rescue him for information. Not that I’m really clear why Lindsey should know any more than the rest of them could if they put their minds to it. But he does seem to think he does, so I should probably accept it. And so, in part, we’ve got one of those irritating didactic episodes that attempts to change the course of the season not through dramatic events but through people sitting around, giving semi-lame speeches about how everything we knew was wrong. Otherwise known as the X-Files technique.

It’s not all bad though. The portrayal of the ‘suburban hell’ is excellent, with oh-so-nice family and oh-so-destructive demon. I especially liked it when the family got their machine guns out. I don’t know what that says about me. But it’s the little things about this episode that make it worth watching — Lorne’s mourning at the bar, Wesley’s drunken ramblings with Illyria, Spike’s beer and briefcase. And one big thing — Hamilton. I don’t mind a little creative borrowing of iconography, even if any resemblance to a certain Agent Smith is completely unintentional.

And Eve’s lost her immortality. I still don’t care though.

Ultimately, this episode feels kind of like an extension of Spike’s lame ‘bad stuff is coming’ speech last episode. Stop telling us this, folks, start showing it. Please don’t turn into Buffy. I’d cry.

I’ll be away for three days, so, no grapefruit updates for a bit.

What’s that you say? We’ve gone weeks in the past without updates and no such announcements were made? Well whinge all you like. Actually, an analysis of the last two days shows that the majority of our traffic is due to searchbots and not people.

Hello searchbots! Searchbots love Angel reviews.

So I might give you one or two when we get back. And hopefully a Spider-Man 2 review. And perhaps some new fiction. And a never-ending packet of Tim Tams. Who’s a cute little searchbot then? Who? Who? Is it you?

Jessica Alba, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace I love thee, to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! You are so gorgeous in this flick. How can it be that you are so beautiful?

Yet why is it that you are in such an ordinary film, boo? Clearly all that this film has got going for it is you dropping science with your moves. I can see they make the most of it by including you in every scene. Don’t get me wrong. You’re probably ballin’ with cheese an’ cream. To have a whole movie with you in every scene playing the astounding Honey Daniels is all that but you should really get you’re freak on in a block buster so that everyone is made aware of your greatness.

Just a 411 Jessica. You shouldn’t be hanging around with Chaz. He’s better than the b-boys in da hood but he ain’t working in no barbershop. Word up his real name’s Dr Pratt and he’s an ER doc in Chicago who’ll be bagged up real soon. I wouldn’t roll with him if I was you.

While I ain’t gonna spread dead presidents for the soundtrack, it’s a relief that the tunes ain’t all hiphop, makes it fresh you know? The director ain’t bunk an’ def. Ay yo trip I is down with the bling bling. Represent 143.

DVD Review

Woah, sorry for that. Sometimes I’m too cool even for myself. I’ll try and speak more slowly for you guys. The DVD has a plenty of extra features, though the merits of some of them are debatable. I very much enjoyed the commentary with the director and Jessica Alba. They offer no real insights into the movie and some of their anecdotes aren’t very interesting but for those who can’t get enough of Jessica, it’s great. There’s also a learn how to dance like Honey feature for those who can’t get enough of Jessica and want to dance like her.

The less exciting extras include the deleted scenes and the lame outtakes and the music videos. None of these looked interesting even on fastforward. There is also ‘Behind the Groove: The Making of Honey’ which I didn’t get around to watching. All in all, it’s clearly worth at least hiring out as a weekly, if not an overnight.