There’s been a breakdown in communication somewhere. My alcohol collection boasts only Whiskey, Southern Comfort and Tia Maria. The last one is alright, but where’s my Baileys, hmm? Where’s my Kaluha? You last-minute present buyers are going to have to up your game.

Good wines though, well done on the wines.

My first thoughts on finding out about this new Wheel of Time book were concerns about whether Robert Jordan will live long enough to wrap up the series. He’s getting on in years and by his own admission it’s going to take at least 3 more books to finish the series, which is I why was slightly worried when it turned out that his latest book is a prequel, and doesn’t advance the series. Some quick research revealed that he is only 55 so according to the Bureau of Statistics he should live for another 10 books. A big relief.

The cynics among you maybe under the impression that Robert Jordan knows when he is on to a good thing and is just churning out novels. Well, that might be the case. And yes, the first book about a farm boy who is given a sword and finds that he has magic powers, is a little cliched. I don’t care about those things. I’m happy to just read the series and enjoy the journey. I find the pleasure of finishing a book is always tempered by the knowledge that I’ll have to find a new book to read. With the Wheel of Time there’s always another book. It’s like watching Star Trek.

‘New Spring’ is a prequel set 20 years before the first book. It is about Siuan Sanche and Moiraine Damodred while they are training to be Aes Sedai. This gives ‘New Spring’ a different feel than the other books. First of all it follows the perspective of different characters. In the rest of the series Moiraine and Siuan get much less focus as Robert Jordan tends to write about Rand and his friends in the other books. Following new characters is refreshing. Second, he only writes about 2 characters, not the normal 6 to 8, and they are together most of the time so the plot is a little faster. Finally, most of the story takes place in Tar Valon which I like more. This means less time is spent on worldbuilding and more on the characters and events. At one point Robert Jordan seemed determined to send his characters to every city on his map leading to a convulted plot and pages and pages of descriptive text. I prefer a better plot and characters.

As in his other books, he has an easy to read writing style which mitigates the length of his books. It still feels like a long book but the intricate plot rarely drags. The overall result of the plot is the same as the other books — little happens.

Are we sitting comfortably, children? Then I’ll begin.

Once upon a time, Tom had two parties on, and both on the same night. This happens a lot as Tom is super popular and cool, and awesome. He’d gotten an SMS that day to tell him that one of the parties was in the far off land of Hopper’s Crossing. He’d driven there before, he could do it again. He was unfazed. Later, a man called Christopher Honig called to check that he was going to this party. Neither of them mentioned where it was, and both were confused as to why Chris had bothered ringing. But they didn’t worry about it.

So Tom first went to a good friend and erstwhile grapefruit reviewer’s 20th birthday in Brighton. This was great fun, with good people and much chatting. Then, at around 10 o’clock, he jumped in his car to drive to Hopper’s Crossing. It was a long drive, but quite enjoyable – his iPod was on very loud and he sang along in poor key.

When he reached the house, he called Chris on his mobile to say he’d arrived.
“Come on up!”
“Er, the door’s locked.”
“Locked? Where are you?”
“Hopper’s Crossing.”
“You’re joking right?”
“I’m what?”
“We’re at la la land in the city. You’re joking, right?”
…
“Do you think, Chris, that this might have been what you were supposed to tell me about?”

A jolly evening. I got there in the end. Petrol’s much better priced in Hopper’s Crossing.

Awesome. Spectacular. Stunning.

Okay, I think with those words you probably know how I felt about the new Harry Potter movie. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the first two. I thought they were great starts at initiating a wider audience to the wizarding world of Harry Potter. But this new chapter in the Harry Potter saga (at least when dealing with the movies) was a mind blowing experience. From the first frame I could tell that it would be a different interpretation of J. K. Rowling’s world. The cinematography alone was outstanding. The way that Cuaron was able to put the movie together made it more captivating than the first two and move at a faster pace. There was never really any downtime in this film. Steve Kloves did a fabulous job writing the script.

The Prisoner of Azkaban has always been my favorite book of the saga, so I was anxious about how this movie would be. So much occurs in this book. It is a turning point in the Potter saga. Voldemort is no longer the only enemy that Harry faces. We learn more about the death of Harry’s parents and the wizarding world. The book also delves into the relationships between Harry, Ron and Hermione. And we meet some very important people, who will have a great impact on the next couple of books (yay, Sirius and Lupin!). Would this film do it justice? My answer to that question is yes.

Cuaron’s vision of Hogwarts was more realistic than that of Christopher Columbus. The dark and dreary look of the sets created the atmosphere that was needed for the movie. The third book is much darker than its predecessors, setting the mood for the next two books. The new layout of Hogwarts reflected this in the almost gothic architecture of the clock tower. The relationships between the characters seemed to be real relationships. Instead of simply reciting the lines and movements that they were given the children seemed to actually be acting! The conversations that the students had with one another as they moved through the hall and during the first Fat Lady scene showed the kids being kids. They joked around with one another. They antagonized one another (“Dementor!” Malfoy and the gang then going “Oooh.” Haha!) They acted like kids their age should act.

The special effects were a step above the other two films. Whoever created Buckbeak should win an award for the brilliance behind it. Never once did I think that Beaky was a computer-animated image. He moved on the screen as though he were really there. The werewolf, well, it was a great special effect, but not really the werewolf I had imagined. It was decent and the scenes with the werewolf were done very well, but aren’t they supposed to be hairy?

The acting ability of the kids has improved greatly with each movie. They are able to play off one another in their scenes, though there is still some room for improvement. The new cast members did a superb job with their roles. Emma Thompson was great as Professor Trelawney. She looked as batty as she appears in the books, though I do wish she had said the prophecy from the book. David Thewlis’ Lupin was as compassionate as I had imagined him to be. And the boggart scene with him was hysterical. Did anyone else pick up the song Swing, Swing, Swing, from another of John Williams’ movies? Gary Oldman embodied Sirius Black. He was able to play him perfectly as both a raving madman and the not-so-raving man. Michael Gambon did a nice job with Professor Dumbledore. I think that he was able to show some of the qualities Richard Harris’ Dumbledore lacked. Put the two together and then I think we would have the true embodiment of Dumbledore.

My one great criticism would be where the hell was Oliver Wood?!? Dammit, this was the last book he was really in, and I wanted to see him! Gryffindor wins the Quidditch Cup, this is a big deal. Not entirely important to the story but still, I had to deal with no Sean Biggerstaff (who plays Wood). Ah, the sacrifices.

But, beside the fact that there is no Sean Biggerstaff, the movie was a great adventure ride. And really, I could write more, but I think I’ll go and see it again instead.

Okay, so there wasn’t much competition. In fact, close to none. But damn, that was fun. The fact that the third book was a good one probably helped — Lupin and Sirius are pretty cool characters. But I’m so pleased that finally, the films made Hogwarts seem an inviting, wonderful, exciting place.

Anyhow, I’ll let Jess tell you all about it. Although I may not be able to stop myself from writing a review also.

I would just like to say in regard to last week’s ending: WHAT!?! what?? WHAT’S GOING ON?? Just let them live dammit.

It makes more sense now having read Shannon’s top ten episodes about Joss Whedon’s character killing fetish. Also since I had the episode on tape I accidentally rewound backwards through the surprise start when they climbed out of the coffins but I’m sure it would have been funny.

And onto this week’s ep: A slow start this week. I’m not interested in any of their regular dialogue anymore but I do like a good flashback. It was an amusing moral dilemma the characters faced this week. What to do when one of your friends is killing people but it’s only their job. In view of last week’s episode and and the ease with which a character can die, I was hoping that Anya would kick the bucket and we could have a new and interesting character. Alas, no. Anya’s friend, whatshername, was a nice substitute sacrifice though.

The best bits about this episode were definitely the flashback to the musical episode and Spike’s continued dementia.

Anyway, why is everyone relying on me to review these episodes? I’m not even a Buffy fan. I personally hope they all die horrible deaths. There must be a dedicated fan, who can give an insightful opinion, out there who can fill in for me when I’m not here. I’m glad I got that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

Why do I review Doctor Who books for Grapefruit anyhow? Is it to challenge Andrew for least commented review? Is it to justify buying them all the time? Is it to try to get a different breed of net geek to search for this site? No, actually, it’s for the groovy looking covers. One tires of screencaps.

Luckily, unlike the previous story, this book far surpasses its cover. The Doctor, Fitz and Trix (Fitz and Trix… hee hee — I’ll never get tired of saying that out loud) land on the planet Espero, one of Earth’s first colonies. Pathetic, paranoid colonists are always good for a laugh, and these ones are also racist and catholic to boot! As well as predominantly dark-skinned, making the TARDIS crew rather obviously strangers everywhere they go. As one might expect, something bad is about to happen on Espero, and only the Doctor can put it right. If he could just work out who he was…

“Oh no,” you cry, “not amnesia again!” Well, yes, but rest assured this particular bout of memory loss is cleared up quite early on. Of course, it does lead to discussion of the Doctor’s somewhat bigger case of amnesia — and presents good reasons for his refusing to find them. This might have been a touch irritating if it had come in the middle of a series of books that I knew had no plans to do anything with his memory loss — but as it is, there’s only a handful of Eighth Doctor stories left to go, and one assumes there’ll be some resolution to it before the series ends. In this context, it serves more as a reminder to set up future books.

Hopefully. But enough talk of the amnesia — the area’s a minefield and if there WERE Doctor Who fans reading this, there’d be comments galore, I promise. Instead — plot. There’s a nice, deftly painted backstory to this novel, which I usually enjoy. Unfortunately, the pacing is a bit off, and we only get it all very late in the game. Perhaps some vignettes throughout the story would have worked better? Suddenly, there’s this whole new character that you have to care about, who turns out to be the centre of everything. Things feel a bit unbalanced.

If the plot isn’t perfect, the characters and tone in general make up for it. The Doctor’s friend Calamee is a well-drawn teenager, the old Imperator is nice, even if his cunning plan’s anticipation is laid on a bit thick. The villainous Mr Trove is highly enjoyable, and I’ve always enjoyed bitchy royalty. But Fitz and the Doctor steal the show this time around, after undergoing a bit of a memory scramble together. The results are hilarious and lead to some good character development for the pair. Again, I’d think this would just be a drop in the ocean, but with so few books to go, there’s a real chance that all the character threads will actually lead somewhere, and finish.

In any case — fun, nicely written, and with a decent climax — my main failing with Doctor Who recently. Far better than Sometime Never… — perhaps we’re going out on a high.

Incredible jetsetter that I am, I saw Kill Bill Vol. 1 in Vancouver, with Andy. The cinema was a bit small and the floor was ten times stickier than any I’ve seen in Australia, but the film was fantastic. Crazy, genre-crossing, lightning fast, cool, and with marvellous action sequences. Leaving the cinema afterwards reminded me in a vague way of seeing The Matrix for the first time, back in Melbourne with Andy.

Kill Bill Vol. 2 isn’t the same at all. While it’s possible it’s just because I didn’t see this one with Andy, I suspect the answer is more that it’s a completely different type of film. Vol. 1 was an action film. Vol. 2 seems to be more of a character study, telling us the story of Bill and the Bride. Which is quite interesting, and well-acted. David Carradine speaks slowly, but carries a big pipe. And he’s tremendous fun — even if in later scenes his character comes across as having the emotional maturity of a fourteen year old. This might well be on purpose, but it undermines the films for me a tad if they were really the story of some lame high-school break-up.

However, by and large, all the Bride/Bill sections are fabulous to watch. Tight dialogue, good direction, and a great little Tarantino waffle about Superman that is actually reasonably relevant to the story. Also interwoven is the story of the Bride’s tutelage under Pai Mei, a wise old martial arts master complete with superhuman reflexes and strength, corny camera zooms, and an eminently strokable beard. Well, perhaps a little too strokable. I confess to being a little bored of the same joke after the eighth time. Regardless of over-stroking, these scenes are also tremendous fun, and the closest we get to the delightfully crazy action of Vol. 1.

And you’ve got to take those bits when you can get them, as unfortunately, there’s this huge boring bit in the middle of the film. It’s about Bill’s brother Bud, who’s a bit of a loser. I say he’s a loser, because we spend about twenty minutes of screen time establishing the fact. Over and over again. See Bud walk. See Bud get yelled at by his boss. See Bud clean the toilet. Bud is Glum. Aw. The plotline of course gets somewhat more exciting when the Bride turns up, in the middle of her rampaging revenge, but Bud can even make her boring — in a scene too reminiscent of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode for me to provide an objective opinion on.

I should point out that I didn’t have a problem with Michael Madsen, who does a good job — but he just hasn’t had the luck of getting a fun and crazy character. Darryl Hannah has though — and what an evil, evil bitch she is. Delightfully fun to watch — and no matter what horrible end fate has in store for her, it hardly seems enough. I’m not spoiling anything by telling you that Elle Driver and the Bride fight, and it’s a goody.

However, while the film suffers from a few cases of the boring and pointless, as well as from a good surprise being wasted on last film’s cliffhanger, it is good, and surprisingly thoughtful, and regularly silly, and touching in a way I really didn’t expect. I’d love to see a version of volumes one and two together, some of the extraneous boredom snipped, and the crazy action scenes mixed neatly with the talkiness. Perhaps I’ll get it. I’m not shelling out my DVD money until I know for sure…

There’s been broken glass spread over the car park at Cheltenham station for AGES. I’ll swear it was there before I left. Does no one clean? Or are there just very accident-prone parkers hanging about?

In other news, the ‘dark’ grapefruit theme (AKA that ugly one) has been switched with the far more exciting formal theme. I’m in the process of making the weblogs respect your theme choice, though this will take time and incentive is small, what with me being the only one who cares.

There are more reviews coming in the future too, I promise. There’s even the vaguest of vague chances some of them won’t be by me. Jess promised me a review of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, but has since disappeared from the face of the net. Don’t tell me she didn’t like it!

Anyhow, I’m off to cook dinner, for the first time in almost two months. Point of interest – that’s about how long it took me to cook when we got the new place in Banff, too.

Well, here is my first blog entry. How very exciting. I have promised Tom I will update it at least as often as Andy and Jackson so you can look forward to my second entry in six months or so.

Anyway, I have now been working on my PhD for about five months and last week reached one of the landmarks towards being a true research physicist – I received my first paper from a lunatic who thought I might be interested in his theory which is going to revolutionise physics. I was so astonished by the ideas contained therein that I immediately quit my PhD – I no longer wanted to be constrained by the mistruths and lies which fill the physics building – and spread the word. I urge you all to read Quantum Thought Experiments can Define Nature.

Physics seems to attract more than its fair share of crackpots. The more intelligent and heavily medicated ones seem to end up as professors. The rest of them make thankfully have the internet to spread their wisdom. We also get quite a few of them coming into the Physics department at uni asking if there is a professor they can explain their theory to. The most amusing incident I have heard about is an email one guy at Melbourne got explaining that the correspondent had managed to unify quantum mechanics and general relativity (for the uninitiated these are the blatant lies which the physics community claims are currently our most fundamental laws of nature). He asked that the professor who received the email ensured the theory’s author receive not just the Nobel prize for Physics, to which he was clearly entitled, but also those for Chemistry and Medicine. I can assure you that I am now doing everything in my power to ensure this gentleman gets his due recognition and not only receives the mere three awards he so humbly requested but also the prizes for Economics, Literature and, naturally, Peace.

(Just in case any of you are considering publishing a physics theory, here is a checklist to make sure it is a Doctor of Physics and not one of Psychiatry you should be sending it to.)