I miss Canadian bacon. It may seem a little odd considering my initial disgust at their fatty bacon. But now I’ve come to miss the jar of bacon fat on the bench. When I cook bacon here, it’s all too lean to have any fat left over to keep. There’s more bacon for your buck that way; I just miss the handy flavouring aid that a glass of bacon fat provides. The lentil soup’s a bit plain: chuck in some bacon fat. The tofu’s tasteless: bacon fat my friend. Romantic evening: bacon fat candle.

Maybe I could by a fat pig and stick a tap in its side like a rubber tree

On other fronts, I’m downloading about 12 GB a week. The only problem is my monthly limit is 12 GB. And my hard drive is full.

Ah, Cultural Studies. I’ve done borderline Arts/Cultural sort of subjects before but it appears that this time I’ve really crossed over to the other side. The alarm bells should’ve gone off when 70% of the class said they used Macintoshes. I was too happy to consider the consequences. It seems that the first rule of Cultural Studies is that you don’t talk about physical actions, but only ever the intent behind them. I made that mistake this week and felt rather foolish. But we’ve been “unpacking” a lot of concepts — the “global village”, the “virtual space”, the relation between spaces, “heterotopias”, “habitus”…

Oh dear god. Get me out now. There’s some interesting stuff here, but I’m not sure it’s worth sacrificing my soul to these people. Sadly it’s week 3 and I’m beyond switching. I shouldn’t have wagged last week — I might’ve come to this conclusion sooner. Curse my life and its endless distractions. That’s what the net is — a huge distraction.

Uni’s not too bad, otherwise. My lecture note-taking has improved. Girls are wearing ug-boots, which seems to be the fashion now. I’ll swear only three years ago that would have been completely taboo. Maybe I just don’t pay enough attention.

And everyone’s got iPods now. I don’t feel nearly as special. I’m going to get me some black headphones so that I can once more be in the minority. The unkindest cut of all however, is that the PC labs don’t have as many Macs as they used to, and none of the computers seem to be able to connect to the net using anything other than Internet Explorer.

Yes, you heard me right. I’m using IE. I feel dirty.

And to think I’ve been wasting my time with DOA: Xtreme Beach Volleyball. What a fool I’ve been.

[ed: As I recall, this used to link to a page describing a game even more dedicated to pandering to fans of large poorly rendered breasts everywhere. But alas the link is dead.]

Hmmm. Well, my new resolution to be a really good student hasn’t quite kicked in yet, but I remain hopeful that, perhaps tonight, I’ll do some revision. And that I’ll attend somewhere above 50% of my Physics lectures. But there are so many distractions…

My proper driver’s license, blue heading and all, came in the mail today – with my 19 year old face smiling back at me on it. My face… isn’t as thin as it used to be, I notice.

But I can’t be hanging around here… I’ve got Study to do! Or, a grapefruit review. It could go either way.

How do you make an above-average science fiction action film?

Take one source text. Pick out your favourite set pieces and concepts. Choosing an author who doesn’t really have a huge amount of literary credibility will at least get the arty nerds off your back when it comes time to compare the two.

Mix with one generic action plot, with suitably placed chases and explosions. The explosions are the most important. Don’t try any subtle suspense business when you could blow something up. It’s much easier to screw up ‘subtle’.

Add two likeable stars. Will Smith and Bridget Moynahan will do nicely. Smith has some credibility as an actor, despite Men in Black II, and has excellent comic delivery. Moynahan is as cute as cute can be when she smiles. Let’s hold that smile back until the end, and provide the only real tension in the film. Both of them can be relied upon to give solid, if perhaps a bit unremarkable performances.

Filter from this mix any irritating, unbelievable technobabble. Only explain what things do — don’t try for how, because everyone knows that they haven’t actually invented intelligent robots yet. Besides, it just slows things down for no good reason. Use keywords — Positronic brains, nanites, uplinks. Simple, and easier to swallow for people who know more about science than you do.

For a bit of texture, add a twist. It doesn’t have to be particularly ground-shaking, but it’ll stop people from labelling your movie as ‘simple’ without putting in at least one reservation. They’ll have to say “straightforward,” or “pedestrian with one or two surprises” instead.

Finally, to make sure anyone insanely stupid in your audience can follow a plot, insert some very basic cultural reference that can be mentioned whenever the story’s moving, so as to signal to these lunkheads that they should shrug themselves out of their stupor. Although it might be overkill to use a Hansel & Gretel metaphor to spur a detective into action following “bread crumbs” — or, as one might also refer to them, “clues”. After all, following clues is kind of a detective’s job. Ah. Too late. Well, don’t do it again.

These elements pretty much describe I, Robot, but I should emphasise the attraction of a sci-fi action movie that doesn’t run into the ground every one of it’s themes, and leaves a few things open at the end. While the hero of the story is a bit of a luddite — a point made with an amazingly unsubtle reference to a particular brand of modern shoe — the story doesn’t provide an easy answer to his request for robots to have “more heart”. Anyone who’s even seen the trailer to this film could probably guess that this film takes rather a dim view of robots being controllable from one central location. However it is a shade more ambiguous on the matter of whether robots should have free will.

On the other hand, don’t be going to this film looking for some meaningful dissection on where the boundaries are between man and machine. I, Robot is primarily an action film. In a perfect world, there’d be a bit more balance, a lot more thought, and perhaps some less overblown plotting. But since you’re in this world, just sit back and enjoy the explosions.

Good to see we are all keeping this terrorism thing in perspective. Our wise leaders are taking the sensible steps of removing our freedoms and infringing on our rights to ensure these evil jihadists can never succeed in the aim of destroying Western civilisation and its fundamental tenets — the freedoms and rights of the individual… Extreme caution is also key – as evidenced by the need to assume that any white powder is most likely anthrax rather than say, flour, sugar or salt.

Last night a Sydney to Los Angeles plane was 90 minutes into its flight when there was a terrorist scare. Understandably emergency procedures were put in place, all flights in and out of Sydney were cancelled or redirected causing massive delays and the plane returned where it was surrounded and fully searched. So what was the nature of the threat? Initial reports claimed that someone had tried to storm the cockpit. Clearly a serious threat, but not what actually happened. It was then revealed that someone had made a bomb threat. So what was the nature of the threat? Apparently a message had been found written on a sick bag. OK… chances are such a message is a hoax, but as politicians like saying, since 9/11 we live in a different world and such threats have to be taken seriously. If I was on a flight where a note saying “There is a bomb on this plane” had been found, I would probably want to get of it ASAP. But it turns out that is not what the message said. So what was the sinister note?

“B O B”

Now, call me cavalier, but those three letters don’t immediately scream bomb threat to me. Apparently the flight’s crew took them to stand for “Bomb on Board”. Clearly that is one possible interpretation, however it is far from unique as Acronym Finder will tell you. Of the 48 expressions it says BOB can stand for are: Bolivian Boliviano (the currency of, you guess it, Bolivia), Bring Own Booze, Big Orange Ball (slang for the sun) and Bend Over Buddy, but no Bomb on Board. However there is another possible explanation. Acronym Finder also told me that BOB can apparently be an abbreviation for Robert, a fairly common name amongst the goodies in this “Battle of Civilisations”. Perhaps this bag belonged to Bobby who feeling unwell and not wanting to be caught without a vessel in which to vomit should the need arise claimed a sick bag for his own use and to mark it as his property, wrote his name on it. Such unthinking behaviour is clearly completely unacceptable in this new world – I might go so far as to so un-Australian/American. No doubt these were the actions of a Frenchman, most likely going by the name of Robért.

So let this be a lesson to us all. I can assure you that you want hear about a flight I am on board making an emergency landing after being suspected of carrying A Nuclear Device, Rifles, Explosives and Weapons.

No wonder I’ve been feeling sleepy recently. I haven’t been getting my in-lecture dozes in. It makes them even harder to resist when you’re sitting through lectures from a subject you’ve already done. Done, in this case, being a relative term. Of course, all my days are pretty easy. Except for Super Thursdays, with two lectures and two tutorials. One of which is quite long and goes late, too – until 7.15pm. Which means late dinners, darn it.

Something I don’t recall about university previously is getting insane amounts of spam. Tonight I’ve gotten at least five emails concerning the very wittily titled ‘Kiss My Arts’ Ball. Hopefully this’ll die down. I’ve got enough spam already. And I don’t like spam.

Excitement in the mail today as I got my bill for renewing my license to a full one! Thrill! Now I won’t have to drive with P plates on. Which I don’t do now, but I won’t have to feel guilty and nervous about any more.

Finally, if I may direct those who like John Cleese towards his new website. Everyone’s on the intraweb these days.

Well, that was fun. I’ve achieved a lot since I last went to University. I’ve also spent a lot of time loafing. In the future, I’d like to work things so that I at least get paid for my loafing. Or do less of it. One or the other. Loafing is fun, but it’s only ever a safe sort of fun. I wouldn’t miss it terribly if I never did it again.

Does working on endless themes for grapefruit count as loafing? Well, yes. But then it’s tempting to switch back to one theme and change it whenever I wish to. What would be more rewarding is to come up with a nifty scheme for the EMS website, but ideas continue to elude me. It’s considerably trickier to design something for hundreds of people than for just one. But hopefully University will spur me onto it. Or people at uni, nagging me, more likely.

I saw Fahrenheit 9/11 yesterday. Decent, but naturally one-sided. Which is all very well for the people that agree with you, but surely you need to be more even handed if you actually want to convert people? I’m not sure. Certainly there’s a case to be made that some folks will believe anything they’re told.

We’ll see.

I’ve been seeing a lot of these lately. I’m almost getting the hanging of it. I didn’t end up working on my birthday. Having woken up at 6:30 am and had breaky and got dressed, I got a call telling me that I wasn’t needed. As I was up and ready I felt like I should take full advantage of the morning so I slept on the couch for two hours. By evening I managed to get enough energy to go and watch some friends performing. Oh yes, contempory dance is a favourite of mine. The theatre only holds 100 people so each show sold out.

The most exciting present I got was a wireless keyboard and mouse. If Shannon presses the connect button on her base station I could type directly on to her computer.

I guess that covers my weblogs for this year. Your turn for the next blog Jackson.

Everyone loves a good time travel episode.

Now look there, my Angel reviews are getting so sloppy these days. Let me start again.

I enjoy a good time travel episode. There’s just not enough of them about. I expect to get at least one from a certain up and coming British show next year, but this one tided me over through 2004. Oh, and one episode of The Outer Limits that I saw in Canada. I actually watched this episode again before reviewing it — of course, I always do that, of course — but this time I especially did it. I’ve copped some flak for not summarising the plot recently, so let’s be clear that I don’t make that mistake again.

Angel has problems. For one, he’s still not sure what to do about this whole Wolfram & Hart business. And he knows he’s getting close to the end of the season, so he’d better come up with something. Perhaps he’s toying with some plans. He also has problems with Illyria. She can bend time, jump dimensions, and hit people REALLY HARD. You’d think he’d be happy that the last point is being repeatedly brought down on Spike, but he’s not. The term ‘loose cannon’ is thrown about. So he asks Wesley to get rid of her.

Wesley has problems. His dead lover’s shell is wandering around with an ancient demon inside it, and it’s come to him for help. He’s not sure how to feel about it, and is in fact getting kind of loopy. He probably still finds the shell kind of attractive. Perhaps he’s even warming to the host in a kind of worship-ish kind of way. Then his not-terribly-trustworthy boss asks him to kill her. What’s a guy to do?

Gunn has problems. He’s been tied up and stabbed through the heart on a daily basis for two weeks, and now he’s been rescued by the creature who’s summoning he inadvertently caused, killing his ex-lover. His erstwhile friend stabbed him just before all the other stabbings. And he’s not sure how to go back to what he was doing before the shit hit the fan. He does know however that his principles are all he has left.

Lorne has problems. Fred was never his lover, but he’s still kind of pissed that she’s dead. And he’s hardly gotten a slice of the plot-pie this season. He’s justifiably stroppy, especially when he gets a lame, not-as-funny-as-it-thinks-it-is comedy plotline this episode. He’s probably confused as to why he’s using a mobile phone as if it’s a walkie-talkie, especially given that he’s got heaps of mobile phones.

Illyria has problems. She’s got no Army of Doom, and worse, her shell can’t take the infinite majesty of her transcendent being. She’s breaking up, and she’s not particularly bothered if she takes the world with her when she goes. But she’s getting irrationally fond of the ants that surround her. It’s probably just vestiges of her shell infecting her mind. Killing all of them should help her unwind. But her imminent doom is fracturing time and space around her, and she’s dragging that pesky half-breed with the big forehead along with her.

Angel still has problems. His ‘loose cannon’ has killed him and all his friends, and he’s only wandering about because of some time paradox. He’s not sure what happened when he got knocked back through time, but it almost makes sense, and at least there’s been few other time travel episodes in his universe for this story to contradict. But things always turn out alright, because despite appearances to the contrary, he’s reasonably bright and a fast talker when he needs to be. And perhaps he’ll learn some life lessons from this uppity demon from the ancient time.