Jackson Kearney

Slept in. Who invented this AM/PM mechanic anyway? http://yfrog.com/0gbrnyj

Apple has gone and confused people (not that difficult) by naming the 2009 iPod event after a Rolling Stones song on the same day the Beatles are re-releasing all their albums.

That can only mean the perpetually rumoured Apple Tablet is coming. Except not really. The only thing certain – a professional pundit will complain afterwards that it was not announced, despite almost everyone else (besides shareholders) knowing that it wouldn’t be.

Will Steve Jobs be giving the keynote? Will the iPod Classic finally die the wretched death it deserves? Will the Apple TV get a Take 3 and become useful?

Pretty standard bunch of questions really, but regardless I’ll be on hand to relay the answers to all these questions as the keynote unfolds - answers laced with just enough vitriol to create the impression I’m not some kind of apple fanboy. Which I’m not. Or at least I won’t be after tomorrow if Apple does not announce HD television for the Australian iTunes store!

Seriously Apple. Fuck you. I can see it sitting there on the American store. If I wasn’t so lazy I would buy an American gift card from eBay.

So there it is. If you only read one live blog of this event, then I strongly recommend Arstechnica’s. Because that is what I’ll be plagiarising reading. But if you read two you could probably read Macworld’s because that is generally excellent. I won’t mind because strictly speaking mine won’t be a live blog. More like a delayed-by-ninety-thousands-of-minutes blog.

I’m sure as hell not getting up that early.

Wayne Swan, according to Mr. Turnbull has betrayed all Australians. Or something.

Listen to me Malcolm, none of us give a shit. Really. I cannot believe they suspended parliament for a whole day for this.

Ahem. Carbon Emissions Trading Scheme? Anyone?

iPhone 3G S upgrade details?¹

1. Okay, that isn’t relevant. But I still want to know ↩

6:00 So, welcome to this live blog of another live blog of WWDC 2009! I’ve slept in a bit but that’s okay!

6:01 So wait a second – it’s over. This is bullshit. I calculated I had to wake up at five o’clock. Apple sucks. If they had announced their keynote time in GMT and not PDT then I would have had a chance.

6:02 Apple sucks more! Their server is too busy and I can’t get the iPhone 3.0 Gold Master seed before I get to work. On to the keynote I guess…

6:03 Firewire returns! That is definitely the reason I need to throw out my 10 month old unibody macbook and upgrade! I was one of those people¹ that cracked the shits when I learned I could no longer use target disk mode.

I’ve given my credit cards to Marissa but I think she’ll understand when I explain to her it will be easier to troubleshoot my laptop in the event something goes wrong and I need to recover my data.²

Easiest. Sell. To. Girlfriend. Ever.

What else — new battery, more RAM and… wait… what’s this? No express card slot?? WTF???!? OH MY GOD APPLE YOU HAVE DROPPED THE BALL! I WILL NEVER BUY AN APPLE PRODUCT AGAIN!!

6:04 For the record — I know I am not actually live blogging. It’s because it makes nasty markup. Actually it’s because I don’t know how to do it. Yes, I am a n00B.

6:56 I had breakfast and a shower. None of you really needed to know that, or even care. Tom is here trying to figure out what is in the new iPhone 3GS that he won’t get in his 3.0 update. He says — not much. I say — sexiness and new speed! Seriously — I love this free update for the iPhone thing. Best thing about owning one. Bring on Tethering!

What is it with apple launching stuff right between my upgrade cycle?

7:03 $14.95 upgrade for Leopard is sweet! So cheap it isn’t worth stealing.

7:05 Now I can remotely erase my iPhone in case it is stolen! Yeah! Total justification for MobileMe. What a glorious day. I feel vindicated. In your face Tom. And you said MobileMe was a waste of money.³

7:10 So that is a wrap. I had more to say but I have to go to work, and this is long anyway. I thought of a killer joke in the shower but I’ve forgotten it now. I am shattered.

In summary — Apple sucks. How dare they update their macbook line after almost a year. You might think that is a good run for me to have a top end laptop, but not when you consider Tom has an iMac which has not had significant updates for years. I like the new iPhone but am pleased since I am not off contract for another 15 months we get most of the functionality anyway. Snow Leopard to not be $160 is awesome and looks really nice. I like any OS that makes my machine run faster. MobileMe still sucks at it’s price point.

7:24 What else? Oh, the iPhone 3.0 seed is downloading now. But I don’t think I’ll get it installed before I have to leave for work (in approximately 5 minutes). I should put on some clothes.

UPDATE I have noticed at one point I imply that Tom is in the same room as me and at the end I imply I have been naked since my shower. Neither of these inferences are true.

1. Along with 95% of the fucking internet, apparently. ↩
2. Years of hand picked, best quality porn. ↩
3. Actually, it is. Really, it is. For the love of god, spend your $119 on something else. ↩

The Internet has announced this week that a Slightly Larger iPod Touch has been cast in the role of the Mac Tablet in the iconic Apple rumour of the same name.

The Slightly Larger iPod Touch will be the 12th Mac Tablet rumour¹ and will take over from the short-lived Jason O’Grady Mac Tablet rumour which like all previous incarnations, proved to be completely full of shit.

One rumour that has caught my fancy however, is the Apple Home Server Rumour. I want it.²

In a house with three computers, and two people who have users on each one, having unified iPhoto and iTunes libraries that we can both access at the same time from any computer would be awesome.

Reading the article, the idea of having a massive media library stored on the internet sounds a bit ridiculous. Perhaps because we live in Australia – the land of crap upload speeds and data quotas – a combination which makes the whole idea working here retarded.

Anyway, expect a review this week. I would threaten to completely redesign the site to scare Tom, but since it would probably cost him $8 just to visit here from his phone I doubt he will read it.

1. I’m just guessing for comic effect here. But surely I am close. I’ve been hearing about Apple Tablets since 1995 for fucks sake. ↩
2. I would love to find a more credible source for it than Gizmodo, I really would. Sorry I linked to them, by the way. ↩

We were told this would happen. We didn’t listen. Despite the warnings, restrictions and efforts to find alternative gaming sources. The gaming nirvana that was Daumen Oben is now a barren wasteland.

So this is it. After four years it had started to feel like home. Although you could argue a home without an xbox is hardly a home at all.

12:01 Today will be my first day at uni. I have a class at 8:30. WHY AM I STILL AWAKE? Stupid Crackdown.

7:15 Fuck fuck fuck. I’ve slept in. My train leaves in 15 minutes. Nothing else for it then. Short Shower. No Breakfast. No time to check if these underpants are clean. But they probably are.

7:34 I made it. I get a seat on the awesome train between express trains. It’s pretty empty. I don’t even have to pretend I’m asleep to avoid having to offer my seat to old people. I love it when that happens.

8:30 No time for a coffee, my lecture has already started.

8:55 Hello? Anyone here? My lecturer is late. I could have had my coffee.

9:00 Here he is. He says he’s sorry. Apparently next week lectures are going to start at 8:45. He thinks that getting to uni at 8:30 is challenging. I don’t see how getting up fifteen minutes earlier is challenging. Lazy fuck. I could have had a coffee 30 minutes ago. I don’t forgive him.

9:30 At least he finished on time. I miss having a computer. I’ve lost the old metcard that I wrote today’s timetable on. I need to get to a computer. I wish I remembered things, but who really needs to when you can keep everything you need and more on the internet?

9:35 Ah, coffee. My headache should go away in about 20 minutes.

9:40 Apparently more people are going to private school now. Is this really front page news?

9:50 Why do all university toilets have that really abrasive, non-absorbent toilet paper? Okay, I don’t really require it to absorb anything but fuck, they could make it a bit softer. I suppose you think it’s my fault for being blessed with a sensitive behind. You aren’t going to get any dog playing and rolling around in this stuff.

9:59 Look! Swinburne is into tokenism. I found a lone iMac in a lab of PC’s. It’s like Spock from Star Trek. I’m sure there’s a Linux machine lying around somewhere. That’s probably Janeway. I haven’t really thought this through.

10:05 Luckily, the thing I had straight after my lecture doesn’t start until week 2. Because I would be late by now. My next class doesn’t start until 14:30. Damn it. What am I going to do for four hours with no laptop? I’ll call them, that’s that I’ll do.

10:07 It isn’t ready. I hates them. Fuck this. I’m going home.

10:10 I remember I’ve left my key at home. I’ve picked the one day of the week that Matt decides to do something and leave the house. I’m locked out, so I’m staying. Maybe people are up for a game of Wabble.

15:30 Seriously, there are some serious serious nerds in my degree. Help.

Or perhaps we shouldn’t. Because the last thing the internet really needs right now is another bunch of guys making jokes about this. But what the hell.

I’m not sure exactly how many jokes such a simple word can sustain. If I had to be exact I would say heaps. I have read hundreds of jokes today. You think they would stop, but they just keep on coming.

Andy and I were amazed.

Anyway I felt this site lacked a place dedicated to Wii jokes, so I made one. Notice how I’m not actually going to make any, because I’m off to bed.

Just leave you with one I stole from Eurogamer…

‘Hello mr games store owner, can I have a wii please?’

‘No, the bathroom is for staff only’