Jessica Alba, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight. For the ends of Being and ideal Grace I love thee, to the level of every day’s most quiet need, by sun and candlelight. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with a passion put to use in my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints, I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life! You are so gorgeous in this flick. How can it be that you are so beautiful?

Yet why is it that you are in such an ordinary film, boo? Clearly all that this film has got going for it is you dropping science with your moves. I can see they make the most of it by including you in every scene. Don’t get me wrong. You’re probably ballin’ with cheese an’ cream. To have a whole movie with you in every scene playing the astounding Honey Daniels is all that but you should really get you’re freak on in a block buster so that everyone is made aware of your greatness.

Just a 411 Jessica. You shouldn’t be hanging around with Chaz. He’s better than the b-boys in da hood but he ain’t working in no barbershop. Word up his real name’s Dr Pratt and he’s an ER doc in Chicago who’ll be bagged up real soon. I wouldn’t roll with him if I was you.

While I ain’t gonna spread dead presidents for the soundtrack, it’s a relief that the tunes ain’t all hiphop, makes it fresh you know? The director ain’t bunk an’ def. Ay yo trip I is down with the bling bling. Represent 143.

DVD Review

Woah, sorry for that. Sometimes I’m too cool even for myself. I’ll try and speak more slowly for you guys. The DVD has a plenty of extra features, though the merits of some of them are debatable. I very much enjoyed the commentary with the director and Jessica Alba. They offer no real insights into the movie and some of their anecdotes aren’t very interesting but for those who can’t get enough of Jessica, it’s great. There’s also a learn how to dance like Honey feature for those who can’t get enough of Jessica and want to dance like her.

The less exciting extras include the deleted scenes and the lame outtakes and the music videos. None of these looked interesting even on fastforward. There is also ‘Behind the Groove: The Making of Honey’ which I didn’t get around to watching. All in all, it’s clearly worth at least hiring out as a weekly, if not an overnight.

480

This entry was posted by the illustrious Andy Cocker on Tuesday, June 29th, 2004. It concerns such pressing issues as . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.