What is it with Physics undergraduates and bad “Meaning of Life, the Universe, and Everything” jokes? It’s like they think if they just mention ’42’ in any given sentence, it suddenly becomes funny… Sorry folks. You sound mostly crap. And every time you do it, you make The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy just that little bit less cool.

I hope the movie doesn’t finish what these lame-brains have been chipping away at for years.

In other news — news that I’ve probably already shouted at almost everyone I’ve seen — rumors have started coming in of an iMac G5. I can almost smell it. Ah, sweet sweet iMac-ey goodness. I had to put the dash in there, otherwise it’d be iMacey, which sounds like a robot girl. Perhaps one of those oft-rumored sexbots that Apple is working on.

Doctor Who: Rose rocked whilst also being a shade too silly in places for my taste. And Eccleston’s performance was variable (but at times, very, very good). Billie Piper on the other hand, is awesome. And I’m not just saying that because she’d be my number 2 template for the aforementioned sexbots.

Well, the marketing campaign for Doctor Who has started in Britain, and a bunch of teaser trailers have been released. Here’s a few screengrabs, posted mainly because Billie Piper is looking good but also coz the new console room is in the background.

These were originally kind of squished, I think because the guy who uploaded the trailer was recording widescreen in 4:3. I’ve suitably restretched them.

So, apparently, a rough-ish cut of the first episode of Doctor Who is out online somewhere.

And I’m sitting here, not downloading it. Which I’ll have to continue doing until … well, until the proper, transmitted version turns up on the internet. Then I’ll bite. After all, it doesn’t look like it’ll be shown in Australia until the end of the year. And I promise to watch it then, too.

And then, buy the DVDs.

But still. I’ve got 18 days, 19 hours, 29 minutes to hold myself back until then. Grrr.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there have been a lot of comic book movies out there recently. Let’s call it a subtle trend. What’s interesting to me is that only by seeing the trailer — or sometimes, by hearing the casting details — you can usually tell which of two categories they fall into. These categories are, of course:

1. Awesome and exciting.
2. Cheap and shitty.

With hindsight of course, it’s easy to classify them, but just for fun: Catwoman — Crap. Spiderman 2 — Good. Elektra — Crap. Batman Begins — Good. Well, probably.

Constantine however, was a movie that I really wasn’t sure about. The trailer was a mixture of good and evil.[ftn] Some cool effects and set pieces, but some very slow-looking dialogue, and a painful aura of seriousness. Going to see it was a bit of a gamble. And for most people, it hasn’t paid off. Most people in my cinema were laughing at the serious bits, and guffawing at every plot development. A lot of the reviews I’ve seen online are quite damning. And fans of the comic book Hellblazer on which the film is based don’t seem particularly thrilled.

And yet — I kind of liked it. I mean, if you want to scorn this film, I’m sure you could. And yet for some reason, I was drawn in. I’ll try to explain why for the rest of the review.

Perhaps it’s the setting. Constantine has a fabulous, catholic-esque[ftn] universe to explore. John Constantine is a cynical shell of a man, wandering around a world he’d never have believed in if he hadn’t seen it. The film establishes some solid rules for all the angels and demons wandering about, and sticks to them. Constantine is given a bunch of anti-demon gadgets by his Q-equivalent, and they all get used.[ftn]

But then, you might find Christian mythology very hard to take seriously, and find shotguns with crucifixes lame and not cool. It’s possible that Keanu’s po-faced explanations of all the stuff going on might irritate rather than enthrall. It depends how believable you find Keanu.

There’s a lot of other interesting characters, too; a fat, alcoholic priest, a nervous, bookish fellow who lives behind a bowling alley and just manages to avoid being a cliché, the kind of androgynous angel Gabriel, and the lovely Rachel Weisz. Miss Weisz does a pretty decent turn as a tormented cop having her eyes opened to a bizarre new universe — reminding me a lot of Elizabeth Rohm in the first season of Angel. She’s perhaps just a shade too sensible at times; I find just a touch of “this is all a bit silly, isn’t it” works rather well in this sort of movie.

Of course, you might think the acting’s all really lame. I’m just not sure.

John Constantine himself, however, is my favourite thing about the film. I’m sick of heroes that are completely incompetent until just near the end of the final act. I’m sick of heroes who claim to have only the most pure and noble of intentions, yet get all the ancilliary benefits (girls, souls, whatever) at the end of the film anyhow. I’m sick of heroes who don’t really have much of a plan, charge in, and win because of pure luck rather than improvisational skill. John comes across as a clever guy, who knows which battles he can win, and which he can’t. He’ll break the rules if he has to, but at the same time, he’ll use them to his advantage. And he doesn’t warn bad guys before he attacks them. He’s pretty sensible.[ftn]

Keanu plays Constantine with his usual understatement, but like Hugh Grant, he’s an actor who knows his strengths and limitations and steps so deftly within them that he actually ends up performing quite impressively. He can walk sombrely in a trenchcoat pretty well, and take the piss out of it when necessary, too.[ftn] I’m aware that there’s people out there who hate Keanu. You folk won’t like this movie, I’m pretty sure. You can take your place with all the Hellblazer fans who can’t accept a brown-haired American playing a blond Brit.

I really enjoyed this film. There’s adventure, there’s jokes, there’s a lot of subversion of expectation, there’s an awesome bit with a shotgun, and the finale is clever, amusing, and dramatic. You’ll only hate it if you’re the sort of person who gets too self-conscious watching things like Buffy the Vampire Slayer.[ftn]

Footnotes

1. Like everything man touches.
2. Never will I stop making up dumb words.
3. Yes, even the car with the rocket launchers. Oh, alright, there isn’t one.
4. Actually, he kind of reminds me of Angel. The vampire, that is, not a catholic angel. Sorry for confusing the issue.
5. I particularly liked the chewing gum.
6. Or Doctor Who. 17 days…

All the time, I see things about the place and think — I should write about that in my weblog. And then I forget them. So I won’t be mentioning any of those today.

• The new Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy trailer looks mighty fine. Well, except for the stupid flapping-up head-smacking things. I don’t know what they’re all about.
• Having a lecturer faint mid-talk seems like a bit of fun, but later on, it’s hard to listen to them and not panic every time they stutter or pause.
• Life sometimes drops things straight in your lap. Cheltenham truly is the most perfect place to live in the world. Well, alongside Banff obviously.
• Wallace & Gromit looks good too. In a Wallace and Gromit kind of way. That Tom Baker fellow is everywhere these days.
• I’ve missed the first two episodes of the actual Battlestar Galactica series. Watching TV on the TV is so impractical. Lost is looking up though. I’m starting to like some of the characters. Especially their ‘Spike’ character.
• I’ve got a review for Constantine coming up. I’m sorry everything’s been so quiet. I’ve also got a review of Spy Lounge ready to roll with. Not from me, obviously. I’m considering having an official, Grapefruit-updating day of the week, so that I have a deadline to aim at. How does Wednesday sound?
• I got new headphones! I’m now the proud owner of a stealthPod. There’s enough white headphones in the city to sink a ship. A very small ship, of course, but bigger than you might otherwise think.

I’m rather behind in my TV watching, and only saw the first half of the Battlestar Galactica miniseries yesterday. I was pretty impressed though. It reminded me a bit of the beginning of Star Trek: Generations, but way cooler. I like the grumpy old captain (who looks a bit like Tom from Joe Btfsplk’s if anyone’s seen both of them). I like the sexy evil chick, except when she’s killing babies. I like the pathetic, self-obsessed scientist. I like the Secretary of Education/President (played by Donnie Darko’s mum).

There was one particularly cool scene where a whole bunch of nuclear blasts went off and two people stood sillhouetted as the explosion rushed through their house and towards the camera. Awesome stuff.

Overall, a bit of corn, and maybe taking itself a bit too seriously, but pretty good and great fun.

I have had enough of Tom’s torrents of abuse and I have decided it is time to blog. Now just for something to say…

After months of procrastinating, I finally got broadband so don’t need to be jealous of the rest of you anymore. Finally I can watch all those ntgf films without wasting hours downloading — oh the joy! Fortunately, it is not quite as fast as Andy’s (a mere 1.5 Mbps) so I haven’t been afflicted by that unpleasant sounding condition of melting eyes.

On the negative side of the ledger, all the first years are back at uni for O-week and next week the rest of the undergrads will be. The Howard government is doing a good job of making a university education unaffordable but if they could hurry up and just close the whole undergraduate program down so I can have the university to myself. I don’t think they realise that the country’s entire higher education system is just there to facilitate me getting paid for doing bugger-all for three years.

Meanwhile, it is good to see that even if the Gay and Lesbian community is losing its minor battles like the fight for the right to marry, adopt children and live without being under constant threat of having the shit beaten out of them, it is doing much better on the real issue — the repression of gay penguins.

Well, I’ve just finished the highly anticipated sequel to 2003’s game of the year – Knights of the Old Republic II. And…

Well, it’s not as good as number one. I’ll write a review after I’ve played it through evilly, but the fact that I’m not playing it again right now says a bit about its relative quality.

What KOTOR and the original trilogy have in common, and what makes them so much fun to me, is a sort of heroic, fairy tale, adventure kind of feeling. Heroes, romance, destiny, quests, and a strong focus on friendships. KOTOR II has a lot of characters, but you never quite feel like they’re your friends. Sparse conversation options don’t help this. There’s one girl who I talked to once when she arrived on my ship, had nothing new to say to her for the rest of the game, until the end when she wanted to sleep with me. Oh, the romance.

The plot of the game is interesting, but kind of uninvolving, and lacking in derring do and heroic actions.

I won’t waffle on more, I’ll save it for later, but basically — I like my Star Wars with a gritty exterior but with a heart of gold. KOTOR II is all gritty and ambiguous, and a little contrived in places too. With some absolutely pitiful character interaction. And awesome lightsaber moves.

I’m sorry I haven’t been saying more here recently. Though naturally, I’m still light years ahead of Jackson and Andrew. When did Andrew last post to his blog? The bronze era?

Anyhow, I’ve been busy saving the universe in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords, so you can’t really expect me to waste time here. Except when I’m at work, naturally. Things were a bit boring until I got my lightsaber and got to rally a whole bunch of losers to take down an attacking phalanx of mercenaries. In quiet moments, I spar with a hot but anonymous handmaiden and spare cute Sith assassins who try to kill me. Life’s good. Well, except for the grumpy old hag who seems to think she’s my teacher.

In the real world — outside JB today we noted that their Security Officers are now known as “Loss Prevention Officers”.

KotORII:TSL should be able to keep me occupied until March 26th or so.

You may remember I was having a little adsl trouble recently. That was caused by iinet installing their new dslam hardware into Telstra’s exchanges. Ha, I thought at the time, I don’t want their stinky dslam; where’s my internet?

I forgive them now. You see, because of dslam iinet has new download plans which rock. And by rock I mean fast enough to make your eyes bleed.

I’m going to the Tassie circus festival on Wensdy. Have I mentioned this yet?