Jackson's posts on atypicalreview are infrequent, but when they arrive, they are regularly hilariously abusive and pertinent.
I continue to be under the misguided notion that I am capable of pulling out decent pieces of work the morning they are due. If it were ever true, it certainly isn’t anymore.
So I’m going to sit here writing this blog, wondering how it is I always manage to overestimate my own ability and then I might fabricate my results… again, just so I can write about them in a way that is satisfying.
Have fun.
It’s hardly a revelation that in the prioritising of tasks, homework is invariably on the bottom of the ladder. Faced with an essay, you find yourself strangely compelled to clean things, or perhaps catalog your book collection in Excel.[ftn]
The point has perhaps been overstated because everyone knows this. The reason I’m excited is because I’ve finally found a task that makes me want to do school work.
They are called Grapefruit articles. It’s amazing. I think “I really should write my Peter Pan review” and 10 minutes later I’m writing my practical report. It really is quite amazing.
In other news, I saw a 3 hour absurdist play on Friday called Rhinoceros – in which people turn into Rhinoceroses – because Sam told some girl he would see it. I had laughed a few times until we got up to the painfully long fourth scene where I started to feel like I was watching the end of RotK all over again.
Never mind.
I’ve been awake for close to 21 hours now, and suprisingly I feel pretty good. I’m like a real life Jack Bauer — although probably on one of his normal days, when the world isn’t in peril. You know, where you just kind of, um, go to work and then come home and do really cool things like play computer games when you probably should be napping.
Whatever. The important thing is I feel great, which makes we wonder if I ever need bother with sleep again. I mean, I don’t see why I need to sleep. Not enough goes on in my head that my brain would need to rest and if it’s a matter of energy then I’ll just eat more food, and coffee obviously.
I mean, it just has to be a matter of will power to stay awake, right? Right?
I’m off to play some Counterstrike.
Below is a itemised account of what I do during your average day.
Or rather, my average day. That phrase never made any sense to me.
In any case, it’s academic because I am lying. As I break down my day into single actions I realised that almost all of them are far too banal to describe and those that aren’t would invariably invite the all too familiar response “Too much information”.
So I’m just going to include the two that will hopefully be relavent to the rest of my ramble.
23: Brush Teeth.
23 plus some small, but otherwise arbitrary number: Eat recently purchased chocolate biscuit
Now, this won’t come as a surprise to anyone – but chocolate actually tastes pretty nice after you’ve brushed your teeth.
Assuming you like mint of course, in which case I recommend bubble-gum flavour. Also, it helps if you aren’t using Colgate with baking soda, or that Sensodyne crap. I’m talking about regular toothpaste. I’ve yet to determine whether it being a gel or not makes a difference, but I digress.
Orange Juice on the other hand, tastes like absolute shit. It’s bloody awful. Everybody knows this.
It occurs to me that every food should be given a toothpaste compatibility rating. Orange Juice would typically score a zero, Chocolate would probably get a 10. Or possibly a 9. 10 should probably be for things that taste exactly like toothpaste.
Think about it. It would revolutionize how we shop. When shopping for snackfood, you could specifically select foods you knew you were going to eat just after you left the house with your freshly brushed teeth. In fact, I think I might have to catalog the food in my fridge. Upon closer inspection all my fridge has in it is milk and tatare sauce. I should probably stock it for Matt’s arrival. He eats a lot.
Incidentally, do you know a new study has showed that Astrology predictions could be wrong?? Oh I shit you not. It was on Sky news. They were saying there is new evidence to suggest that it was all bullshit. It sounds like a joke, but I’m being serious.
Anyway back to my grand plan to upheave the food industry. Toothpaste compatibility ratings… yeah.
Actually now I think about it sounds stupid.
Granted, I’m extremely tired – but there is no excuse for what has just happened.
I ran out of lives while playing Sonic The Hedgehog. Yes, the first one.
I can’t believe it. I feel like I need to defend myself, and say that I don’t do anything like build up my lives on some easy level – but it doesn’t matter.
I still died.
And that’s not all. It gets worse.
I died… in the Marble Zone. The MARBLE ZONE!! THE FRELLING MARBLE ZONE.
Act One.
Maybe in my current state I could accept dying a bit later on, but the Marble zone? I can never look another gamer in the face.
I’m sure a lot of you are wondering what all the fuss is about. Maybe you have died in the Marble Zone before, but stuff like this happens to OTHER people. Not me.
I’m a Sonic fan. I have beaten all the games. I don’t lose all my lives by the Marble Zone.
My world is in disarray. I’ve spent so much of my life playing games that I expect to be good at them, especially ones I’ve played before that were released in 1991. My life, is meaningless.
Anyway I need to go and cry myself to sleep…
Let’s play a game. It’s called “If you don’t like my blog entries, DON’T READ THEM!!!”. That’s right. I’m not twisting your arm. I write them because I enjoy rambling about crap, not because I’m expected to write anything and certainly not to “make excuses for myself” as one lovely fan pointed out. I don’t write them for anyones benefit.
As such, e-mails on how to improve my entries will be ignored.
“Bitter and self-defensive” is the order of the month when it comes to humour. I think I’m being funny when I write the way I do. Other people possibly won’t, but at least I get a chuckle out of it. Which is all that matters, when you think about it.
In any case, don’t take anything I write here too seriously, because if I had a genuine grievance or actually some serious and personal to say I wouldn’t announce it publicly. Although by looking at recent threads on CommCate you think it was the latest craze.
Fear not, kind people. I’m not bitter, I’m just seeing how far I can push humour in the form sarcasm and cynicism.
Incidentally, old people here smell like urine… or something. The bus to Limerick is an hour and a half, and quite unlike me, I often get motion sickness. The end result is 90 minutes of trying not to throw up, and it makes it unbearably difficult when some old smelly man sits next to you. Seriously it’s the second time it’s happened. It’s just so damn offensive, and I really have to concentrate to keep my stomach contents where they are.
It can’t be that hard, can it? I don’t even have a proper shower — I have some stupid little fitting that I use for about 180 seconds everyday and I smell just peachy. At least I hope.
The point is old people are possibly lazier than me if they can’t much a pathetic three minutes under a dribbling tap.
And that, is a comforting thought.
I think.
There is an error at the NTGF website. It promises the next episode within 56 hours. That should read 560, or possibly 5600. I’m not sure.
I had a day off. I was going to finish Andy C. That’s good. I was about to go insane. That’s bad. So I caught a bus and spent the whole day in a place that wasn’t here. Tha’ts good. I saw Pirates of the Carribean and NO I’M NOT GOING TO REVIEW IT TOM!!! But it was nice. That’s bad. Actually it’s nice.
And thus the pattern was broken.
I also spent a bit of money. Seriously. Only a bit. Anyway if I spent a lot I certainly wouldn’t post it here. Sheesh. You think I want to endure the inevitably head shakes and people saying “Tsk Tsk”? I’m not stupid. I don’t lie about these things – I just neglect to mention it.
So what if I bought a gamecube game? IT WAS ON SALE!!! 50% off the marked price. I mean seriously, how can you say no to that? I’m usually of the opinion that it’s on sale for a reason, usually because it’s crap. This may turn out to be the case.
Now go away and let me find out.
No really. Go away. I’m not even going to pretend that interesting things are happening in my life right now. I’m using the oodles of headspace that I have had since I arrived to ponder the possibilities for me in the immediate future.
I would like to win some money. Lots of it.
The question “What would you do if you won the lottery?” has been done to death. I’m not sure exactly what I’d spend it all on, but I do know I wouldn’t mind finding out.
I’d prefer it to be soon.
I don’t know why you are still reading this.
Bed time.
Quite suddenly, Tom has made updating blogs disturbingly easy. Now, when confronted with questions concerning my lack of entries I can no longer simply mumble some crap about it being annoying and be done with it.
So expect more entries from me in future, damn it. I don’t like not having excuses. Animation is extremely difficult and time consuming, I haven’t seen any movies to review, but quite tragically updating my blog only USED to be a pain.
You might actually get to read about my thoughts as a consequence, if only to get the radiant Tom off my frelling back. Lucky you.
That being said — I don’t have much to say. Spent the last week in Scotland, but since I’m determined to not let this blog become merely a diary I won’t bore you with the details. I might later when I can be bothered (read : never)
Barring some disaster, in less than a month I should be living with Matt in Ireland. You’d think I’d find this exciting, but the reality of the situation is I only own one gamecube and I really, really don’t like to share it.
I’m currrently formulating plans to steal the one in Perth.
Excuse me now while I go and sleep.
Not long now. As of this Saturday we will once again have a full complement of staff, meaning more than one day off a fortnight. Until then however, I will remain intolerant of any critisism regarding my lack of productivity so don’t even think about it.. I’m miserable enough as it is.
Those skeptics out there can stay relaxed however because I plan to find a whole new bunch of fun and exciting ways to waste time. Like watching Farscape. I have just finished watching season 1 and I love it. Can’t wait for season 2.
Anyway don’t expect an entry anytime soon, if ever.
Don’t expect anthing.