Case Study
Below is a itemised account of what I do during your average day.
Or rather, my average day. That phrase never made any sense to me.
In any case, it’s academic because I am lying. As I break down my day into single actions I realised that almost all of them are far too banal to describe and those that aren’t would invariably invite the all too familiar response “Too much information”.
So I’m just going to include the two that will hopefully be relavent to the rest of my ramble.
23: Brush Teeth.
23 plus some small, but otherwise arbitrary number: Eat recently purchased chocolate biscuit
Now, this won’t come as a surprise to anyone – but chocolate actually tastes pretty nice after you’ve brushed your teeth.
Assuming you like mint of course, in which case I recommend bubble-gum flavour. Also, it helps if you aren’t using Colgate with baking soda, or that Sensodyne crap. I’m talking about regular toothpaste. I’ve yet to determine whether it being a gel or not makes a difference, but I digress.
Orange Juice on the other hand, tastes like absolute shit. It’s bloody awful. Everybody knows this.
It occurs to me that every food should be given a toothpaste compatibility rating. Orange Juice would typically score a zero, Chocolate would probably get a 10. Or possibly a 9. 10 should probably be for things that taste exactly like toothpaste.
Think about it. It would revolutionize how we shop. When shopping for snackfood, you could specifically select foods you knew you were going to eat just after you left the house with your freshly brushed teeth. In fact, I think I might have to catalog the food in my fridge. Upon closer inspection all my fridge has in it is milk and tatare sauce. I should probably stock it for Matt’s arrival. He eats a lot.
Incidentally, do you know a new study has showed that Astrology predictions could be wrong?? Oh I shit you not. It was on Sky news. They were saying there is new evidence to suggest that it was all bullshit. It sounds like a joke, but I’m being serious.
Anyway back to my grand plan to upheave the food industry. Toothpaste compatibility ratings… yeah.
Actually now I think about it sounds stupid.
373
Tom
August 20th, 2003 at 3:44 am
Astrology IS wrong. Their planet positions are completely off, by a few months. The system needs some correction with the help of astronomers, but they don’t seem to want to.
If they tell you Jupiter is in your house, he’s probably really down the street with Mrs Jenkins.
Jackson
August 20th, 2003 at 6:29 am
Okay, it all makes sense now. We were all sitting having lunch in the pub and it came up on television – being turned down we could only go off the captions which were quite amusing if you took them out of context and imagined what they were saying. When some geeky looking guy came on I could only assume he was saying his horoscope told him he’d finally get a date, and it was wrong.
Tom
September 27th, 2003 at 5:32 am
OK, I’ve studied this case, can we have another? :)
Rachelle
November 10th, 2003 at 4:53 am
You’re totally wrong. Astrology isn’t really about any of that star crap, it’s not like it changes all the time according to the position of the stars or anything, that’s what astrologists say in order to show you that they are using really solid evidence. They’ll ask you what else are the stars there for? I mean it’s meant to be scientifically backed by astrologists, right? Well you’re wrong. It ain’t! They don’t even look at the stars anymore. I can’t believe you’re so gullible.
If you want to be an astrologist, what you need to be is a really really REALLY crappy psychologist that keeps getting sued, or just a person who has a good thesaurus. You have to know how to be specific yet very general at the same time. If you read any sign descriptions, regardless of what star sign you are, you will see that in some way, they will relate to you… “You are extremely beautiful, witty, intelligent and occasionally stubborn” – Oh wow, they’re absolutely right! How could I have ever doubted my beloved stars? “Tighten your belt this month, the southern alighnment of Jupiter, moving toward venus shows you’re likely to be low on cash”. Oh wow, I just spent $200, they’re right again.
You must have read those and actually believed them. I mean that’s just stupid. Maybe the stars do say something, but astrologists can’t read them, and even if they could, as you previously said, the stars would be out of alignment by a month, so your horoscope would probably change by the time you read it.
Andy
November 22nd, 2003 at 2:14 pm
I believe them. Last week both Matt and my horoscopes said we were going on a long trip and lo and behold we’re both going to Canada.
andy
November 22nd, 2003 at 2:25 pm
coincidence? I don’t think so.
Tom
June 20th, 2004 at 3:39 am
Editing history now… Jackson’s like a Nazi. There was a post! It was called ‘Woof!’ I remember it!
I think…
maybe…
No! now my memory is fading! You’ll never get away with this, Kearney! Never, you hear m
What am I doing here? What’s going on?