Posts tagged ‘public transport’


A Complicated Journey

Six and a half hours to get across Melbourne. Well planned, journey planner.

A Complicated Journey

Posted by Tom Charman to | 4 Comments »

Caught Red Handed

I’m off to catch a train. Fa la la. The 5:56pm from Brighton Beach. What’s that? The train’s going to be 3 minutes late? Maybe I’ll be able to validate my 2 hour ticket at 6:00pm and get on! No need for a daily!

My cunning plan doesn’t work. The train comes at 5:59. I validate the 2 hour and go. I’m only losing 30c in buying another one. Maybe 40.

time passes…

Mmmm. Beer. Parma. Tasty stuff. Oooh, ooh, there’s the tram. Perfect timing. Oh, gosh, this guy’s in a hurry. Almost fall into the seat as he drives off before the lights change. Where were you, speedy tram man, when I needed you yesterday? I elaborate on this point to my companion for some time. Two stops later, just as I’m really hammering home the injustice of fast tram drivers when you don’t need them and vice versa, someone interrupts.

Oooooh. They look all ticket inspectorish. And as it’s not Halloween… Ah. Where’s my ticket again? Oh. I was going to buy another one, honest. We just got on. I have many other non-valid tickets, look. No, I got a 2 hour. Yes, it expired 2 hours ago. I was going to get a ticket but I hadn’t gotten around to it yet. Have you noticed that there’s never a fast train dr…

Right. OK. Infringed. Reported. Bother. Well, let’s just catch the train home. Wouldn’t it be funny if I wasn’t, in fact, under 0.05 like I think I am, and there was a booze bus around this corner?

Well, will you look at that. Wouldn’t it be funny if I won the lottery and travelled through space and time and had abs you could beat people to death with? Huh. This is my granny’s car! Where’s the winding down window thingy? I can’t find it! I look drunk! What kind of idiot can’t… oh, there it is. No harm, no foul, officer. I will gladly blow into your white thingy.

In a twist that makes this story something of an anticlimax, but me massively relieved, I’m in fact nowhere near 0.05 at this point, as I expected. I will, however, have to take Metlink up on their “contest this fine” policy and write a firmly worded letter to get myself out of this fine.

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Sleep can be Awkward

I have recently developed a certain knack for falling asleep while standing on the train. Unfortunately there’s another skill you really should have in order to complement this ability, and that’s the power to stay upright while you’re sleeping standing up. Without this, it’s a useless ability. And it’s tricky to practice. Twice in two weeks I’ve almost fallen over in front of the whole train. Today, I also almost stole an old lady’s seat right in front of her because I thought I was making way for her to get out of the train. I don’t know when trains got this complicated.


How pretty’s that? Pretty pretty. You can get them in black, too, but only the top-of-the-range one. Because everyone wants the black. I’m staying with white though, because as has been pointed out, I’m a white supremacist. But I don’t forsee a time when I need a laptop. I do want a new iPod, though, one that can stop me from going to sleep on the train. But Apple keep holding out on delivering the





The bastards. I know they’ve got it hidden in Cupertino somewhere, I’ve read the rumour sites — and they speak truth, always. Or, if they don’t, they recap the truth so it sounds more like what they said.

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Important Transport Bulletin

Only for those in Melbourne, naturally. Back in April, when the Metcards had price adjustments, they changed the way that 10 times 2 hour tickets work. Now, if you validate them a second time in one day, they automatically last you until 2am the next morning. How sweet is that?

Well, it’s pretty good, anyhow.

I got Neverwinter Nights yesterday, having ordered it online the day before. Pretty efficient. My adventuring career is going well. Except, I keep trying to charm animals, and I do, and they’re my friend, but my actual human friend hasn’t noticed and keeps trying to hit it: which makes it angry and distinctly uncharmed. So I keep trying to charm, and he keeps getting hit by my stupid friend, and one of them dies while I desperately try to keep them apart.

And yes, I know Neverwinter Nights is a really old game that you can get for $20 for a PC. But that is the way of Macs and Games.

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