It’s hard being all pimply at school. It’s even harder when everyone around you is gorgeous and perfect-looking, and you’re the token geek. Especially since that means that you’ll inevitably hurt people in your quest to be good looking when the pressure gets too much. That’s what happens this week to “Scabby Abby”, when her mother uses Kryptonite to give her the ultimate makeover. Of course, there’s always a drawback with Kryptonite — this time it’s a kind of sanity-draining effect. Poor Abby. Luckily Clark’s always around to sort these things out. With a little help from his friends.

Alright. Let’s get one thing clear at the outset. Smallville is crappy. It’s not one of those shows that I’ll defend with my last breath, I’m not obsessed with it, I don’t care if it gets cancelled tomorrow. The acting’s usually alright, but sometimes dreadful. The writing is usually dreadful, but sometimes alright. So why am I still watching it?

I don’t know. I need help.

But in my defense — Smallvile‘s fourth season is a great improvement on previous years. We’ve lost some of the series’ most irritating baggage. Pete Ross seems gone for good; I’m sure the writers could’ve come up with something to do with him if they’d tried, but ultimately he became the quintessential boring best friend who whines and gets in trouble. Lana and Clark seem to accept that they’re over, which means no more irritating back and forth there.[ftn]

There’s also a breath of fresh air or two. Jensen Ackles[ftn] joins the cast as Smallville High’s new football coach / Lana’s new boyfriend. Here’s hoping he doesn’t suddenly and unbelievably become an evil marauding corpse working for Lionel. He has the somewhat unfair advantage over other Smallville characters of getting reasonable dialogue most of the time. Sam Jones III must be really pissed off. But even better than Jensen is Erica Durance as Lois Lane.

Yes, finally Lois Lane, Clark Kent’s future bride, is in the show. Different people judge their Loises differently I’m sure. Some will view Margot Kidder as the definitive version — me, I’m proud/ashamed to say that I grew up with Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman and Teri Hatcher is mine. Durance is suitably sassy,[ftn] and also seems to be getting good dialogue. Mostly. It’s all helped by the relaxation of watching a couple that you know will get together at some point. I don’t know what’s happened to this show. Well, alright, I do, they’ve got some old Buffy writers on it. A good move.

However, there’s always things to remind you that it’s the same old Smallville. The show is still taking any excuse to show off its female cast — this week, Lois wakes up to find herself strapped to a table wearing only two strips of lycra. Phwoar! Oh wait, I was going to take the moral high ground there. Dammit. I concede the moral high ground and move on to the famed “Freak of the Week” syndrome. Yes, kryptonite has once more caused problems for an unsuspecting member of Smallville High. And yet again they’re not strong-willed enough to deal with it, choosing instead to go after one of Clark’s friends. This show doesn’t have a very high opinion of humanity.

It also doesn’t manage a very convincing high-school. Sometimes the kids act their age — even if less and less effort is made to make them look anything less than 25. But other times the writers seem to lose themselves completely, and the characters start slipping off to have sex with each other in the showers after only just meeting. I’m pretty sure this isn’t realistic.[ftn] Disturbingly little attention is paid, as usual, to the emotional effects of the story on the guest characters. This week a reasonably nice character is followed to the point where she purposefully causes psychological pain to another person … and then suddenly drops off the plot’s radar. I’m not sure if she even got the traditional Smallville “So how’s X holding up?”

So. Smallville. A guilty pleasure of cute american girls, the occasional good line and affectionate play with the Superman mythos. And an improving one, at that.

Footnotes

1. Which is just as well, because I couldn’t have taken another season of that.
2. Apparently, really good on Dark Angel. Not bad here either.
3. To be honest I’m not entirely sure what “sassy” means. I think it’s a word people invented to describe women when “plucky” became too patronising.
4. A difficult criticism to make, this, as I inadvertently reveal that I was not in fact having sex with people in the showers at school.

I came to the realisation a few days ago that I’d actually be clearing more money per week if I worked about 7 hours less. I’m not going to go into the maths — suffice to say it’s about Youth Allowance, how much I’m allowed to earn, and the amount of tax I pay on my job.

My request to work less hours was denied – so rather than work 7 hours a week like I want, I’m working about 15-20 and clearing $50 less per fornight. If you think I’m making this up I don’t blame you, but I assure you it’s completely true. Just keep in mind the key word here is ‘clearing’. I will get money back next years tax return that I wouldn’t otherwise get, so eventually it works out okay (I’m hoping). I just want the money in my hand NOW damn it.

Halo 2 comes out in three weeks not in July 2005. And right now I could use that extra day off because I have heaps of things to do like play Fable and maintain my rank on the OGN Counterstrike server. The life of a gamer is no picnic let me tell you.

But enough whinging. In other news I got off the train at Brighton Beach today and walked into a pole because I was too busy staring at a girl who had got off the next carriage. Seriously I felt like I was in some stupid comedy movie. Luckily she didn’t notice me at all, let alone the fact I fell over. I don’t think we are meant to be together.

Bloody hell. See what happens when I stop posting. I should have been using my influential blog status to stop everyone voting for Howard and counter Andrew’s curse. Is assassination a crime? Suppose, and this is entirely hypothetical, there was this national leader who was moderately successful on economic matters, which seemed to excuse his grave injustices concerning human rights and the environment in the eyes of the people, would it be ethical if said leader caught fire? Accidentally of course. I’m concerned that the americans are going to vote conservatively too. Kerry doesn’t seem to be having a very good campaign.

What else was I going to say? If I don’t post every day, I get like Tom and having nothing to say. So now it’s Wednesday, no Saturday or maybe it’s Monday again. Anyways, how about some gamecube news.

Megatron’s recovered nicely. His stitches are out but we haven’t noticed any increased intelligence yet. Maybe I should give him a slap on the side of his head. It works for the tv.

I might stay with a geeky theme today. Dawn of War is a fun game. I like it better than Warcraft 3 because there’s less micromanagement in fighting and gathering resources. Also, THERE’S 3 CDS IN THE ONE CASE! 3CDS! An amazing feat of modern engineering. Online gaming is sweet too. My win/loss ratio sucks but the beauty of seeing a giant column of orks, space marines and eldar lead by an Avatar storming into a chaos base is beautiful. It’s the best massed army I’ve seen since Lord of the Rings.

The nica audition was good. By good I mean I could do all the stuff they asked of me. I just have to wait until mid November to find out how good. It started at 10 am with some stretching. We were told details of the course and what would be expected of us. We were then told not to push ourselves today, and if we hadn’t done something before then not to attempt it. Which is stupid, because obviously the more skills you can show the better your odds. The first test is flexibility: splits and some wierd lying on your stomach and lifting up your arms and legs as high as they can go. There was only a dozen people there so things move quickly. Next is tumbling: backsaults and stuff. Only one other guy and I can do more than a cartwheel so it didn’t last long. No one else can do handstands. I feel embarrassed by Perth’s poor showing. With some encouragement, Jess manages the 10 seconds required by the manipulation stream. On to strength exercises like push ups and chin ups and v-snaps which are like sit ups lifting the legs at the same time. Then we stopped for lunch and the tv news people came and filmed us. The afternoon consisted of our performance pieces, some impromptu dancing and brief individual interviews. So it all went pretty well.

From today’s MX. If I were advertising an educational institution, I’d proofread like buggery.

New reviews soon, promise. We’re all lazy. And depressed. Yes, depression is a good excuse. Now Christopher Reeve is dead too, it’s too much for one man to take.

Once again the Australian votes have demonstrated why we should do away with this old fashioned notion of democracy and just make me supreme leader of the universe (ok, I am prepared to settle for supreme leader of the Earth to start with). Why they chose to re-elect that lying rodent is beyond me. I am starting to think I may be cursed to live out my entire life under conservative governments. The Conservative Party in the UK ruled from 1979 until early 1997, about six months after I left when Labour was elected in a landslide. Conversely Labor ruled in Australia for pretty much my whole life until a few months before I moved here when Honest John came to power and looks set to stay there until at least 2020. It is not all bad though. I am thinking of using my curse to do some good by visiting North Korea. Just days before my arrival the communist dictatorship will be overthrown to be replaced by an economic rationalist, social conservative one — a slight improvement, I have to admit.

Unfortunately this is not the worst of the election result. It is understandable that those idiots, I mean voters, might vote Howard back when we are living through one of the strongest periods of economic growth and stability ever. The really scary thing is what has happened in the senate. No government in Australia since the 1970s has had a majority in the Upper House meaning no matter how large their Lower House majority, they always had to compromise on some of their more radical ideas. It also meant the Senate had the power to set up committees to investigate any abuses of power by the government. Yesterday’s vote gave the Coalition at least 38 Senate seats. This is precisely half and means the next time someone forgets to mention to Johnny that there weren’t any children thrown overboard or there aren’t any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the Liberals will be able to block any attempt by the Senate to find the truth.

There is an outside chance that the Coalition will win another Senate seat in Queensland giving it an outright majority and allowing it to get all its legislation through without negotiating with any other party. All the things on their wish list will be able to be put into action. The rest of Telstra will be sold. Media laws will be able to be changed to give the likes of Packer and Murdoch ever more control over the view of the world we are given. Industrial relation reforms will get rid of that pesky idea of workers’ rights and changes to Social security will rid us of all those bloody dole bludgers.

But wait there is more… Thanks to preferences it looks like Family First will win a senate seat in Victoria, and maybe SA as well. If they do, and the Coalition only win 38 seats then the vote of Family First would pass government legislation. So in order to get some of its economically conservative ideas through parliament, the government may need to agree to some of Family First extremely socially conservative ideas. In many ways Family First is more dangerous than One Nation. Right wing radicals are bad enough, but Right wing radicals who reckon they are doing the work of God are far worse. Just to give you a taste:

In Queensland Family First refused to preference the Liberal candidate for Brisbane, Ingrid Tall, because she was a lesbian, while a party member said he supported burning lesbians to death.

Meanwhile the Victorian Family First Senate candidate Danny Nalliah put out a leaflet saying:

“Spot Satan’s strongholds in the areas you are living (brothels, gambling places, bottleshops, mosque, temples — Freemasons/Buddhist/Hindu etc, witchcraft… If you are ready to pray against it, do so. If not, bring it to your church and ask your intercessors, through the pastor, to pull these strongholds down.”

Frankly I am pretty scared about what Australia might look like in three years’ time. The only saving grace is that the American Election still seems reasonably close. But if Bush wins there I might have to abandon this planet to the Evangelists and continue my plans for galactic domination somewhere else.

Perhaps, if Mr Howard killed a puppy in front of the electorate, they’d sit up and take notice.

Probably not.

It’s not worth talking more about it. I just don’t get the Australian people. I preferred it when I was 14 and it only became obvious when the cricket delayed Babylon 5. These days the gap is more painful.

What are the most risky jokes to make? Jokes about the Holocaust? Jokes about suicide? Jokes about killing puppies? Suicide doesn’t get you into as much trouble as long as they’re very generic. Going specific — joking about shutting yourself in your garage and hanging yourself for example — lessens your odds of applying to people around you (or rather, people they knew), but increases the potential fallout if it does apply.

Trouble is, most of the time when making a joke, you want it to be funny to the smallest number of people possible that includes all the people around you. Since in general, the fewer people who get a joke, the funnier it is. But you have to go completely the other way when dealing with tastelessness.

If Hitler comes up in conversation, for instance, your instincts may subconsciously remind you that someone in the conversation is Jewish. If you twig onto this cleverly, you won’t make any jokes. If it just sits in the back of your mind, you may actually decide that your joke about gassing heaps of people to death will be funnier because there’s someone around you that knows about that.

Of course, I’d never be that stupid.

In other news — the parents are returning! If my lazy, good for nothing brother hasn’t done some serious tidying today, then he’s toast. He seems to think that going on a weekend camp to help disabled people is his high moral ground ticket to do nothing around the house.

This is Andy C’s arm.

This is it now…

An improvement? I’d like to think so. I didn’t think it fair that Sara had certain body parts exaggerated and that Andy just looked weedy. However this marvel of modern art took me about three hours – and believe me that is a conservative estimate. Of course, that includes the time I spent rigging a bone structure that makes it flex in a (vaguely) realistic fashion but all the same – it’s a long time for a silly arm.

The funny part is I probably won’t even be using it because I’m not sure I have the patience to make his entire body consistent, and Matt has correctly pointed out that I’m focusing far too much on the drawing aspect and people would probably prefer if I just pumped out the episodes instead of merely teasing you with an arm.

It is a good arm though. And I rather like drawing I’ve decided, even if I’m not particulary talented at it. But I have my exams in three weeks, and I really should be studying. I might however go and work on our B5 episode guide.

I need to get all my little projects out of the way before Halo 2. I’m excited already.

Not really. My assignment slowly approaches getting done, but only slowly. You’d think holidays would’ve resulted in increased Grapefruit activity, but of course those who remember previous years will know that it’s really exam period that does this. Look forward to November, people.

I’d write something interesting, but I keep forgetting them before I get to my weblog. Maybe next time. I swear, sometimes I think of interesting things.

Ooooh! I remembered one! Last night I saw An Air Balloon Across Antarctica — and you all should too. A really good play; balancing comedy and tragedy perfectly. If you enjoy things about explorers and hamsters, you’ll like this.

I’ve got an audition for NICA tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I was bored on the weekend so I operated on Megatron’s brain to make him smarter.

I inserted dual 3 GHz processors into his brain so he should be super intelligent now. The cover story is that he had a small benign tumor removed from the skin on his head.