Time to get out of here. Ah ha! Just what I need; a room full of Warthogs. Now which one shall I take? They all look the same. Eeney meeny miney mo … What, Cortana? Only 5 minutes to escape. Then I’d better take this one.

Full speed ahead. Oh my god I think I just hit someone! A brown someone. It’s alright; he’s getting up again. And shooting me. How dare you. I’ll run you over again. Right where was I? Oh yes this explosion escape thing.

BRRRMMM. Woah, who designed this room? There’s all kind of ramps and jumps going on. Left and right and left, Done. That wasn’t so hard. Oh wait, there’s another room just as tricky.

BRRRMMM. Wheee! What a jump … uh-oh I’m going to land on my head. ARRRGGGHHH!!!! Oh, I made it, phew. Better flip this Warthog over and jump back in and keep going.

OH NO MY WARTHOG IS BROKEN. IT WON’T MOVE. I’M GOING TO DIE. AAAAAARGGGHHHH! Ah wait, um, I’m in the passenger seat. Hope no one saw that embarrassing mistake.

Driver’s seat this time. BRRRMMM, this room looks like the first one. It’s empty though, everyone must have left. A couple of minutes have passed so I must be getting close. A dead end! No wait there’s a door to the right. Huh, another room full of Warthogs with the exact same number of burning Warthogs in it. CRAP! I’m back where I started. I must have got turned around when I crashed. Not to worry, I still have two and a half minutes left, not a moment to lose. Oooh, a medipack. I’ll just grab that. Now I’d better get going. No time to lose.

BRRRMMM, back through these rooms again. Twisty corridors; the suspension on this Warthog is going to be ruined.

20 seconds left: This had better be it. Sweet, it’s the pick-up point and with 10 seconds to spare. How’s that for timing. Now where’s Echo 419? Let’s get out of here.

This doesn’t look good. Echo 419 is being chased by two Banshees but I think it’s going to make it. Going, going, exploded. BUGGER! That’s it we’re boned.

Cortana reckons there’s a ship 1.4 km from here and with 5 seconds left, I hope this buggy can do 1000 km/h. Here we go. I’ll just press the warp speed button.

FOUR There’s no warp speed button. AARRRGGHH!

THREE Okay. Don’t panic. Any bright ideas Cortana?

TWO You know Cortana you’re hot. What’s a nice AI doing in a place like this? What are you doing this weekend?

ONE Oh, the countdown. Don’t worry about that baby. Most problems will go away if you ignore them. Look, the timer’s almost disappeared.

ZERO Told you nothing bad would happe ….

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This entry was posted by the illustrious Andy Cocker on Friday, August 27th, 2004. It concerns such pressing issues as . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.