OK. Let’s say you’re the sort of person who sees ropey romantic comedies with Vince Vaughn. Which of these do you go to?

These are, of course, the same film. But oddly, the one which has been stripped of all things Yuletide is the one being released in Australia and New Zealand. Here’s the trailer — watch as the voiceover guy completely fails to actually mention the name of the movie. I’m not saying either of them look good, per say, but one of them at least manages to get across some kind of concept to the audience. I don’t recall what the tagline for the Down Under version is, but it didn’t do much to dispel the obvious and erroneous conclusion that our two vertically different actors would be travelling to four different relaxing destinations and getting away from it all, rather than having four awful family experiences in one day.

At least, Four Christmases sounds shorter.

I’m not the first person to notice this, by the way. Clearly sensible people everywhere are bemused. Unlike Mr Dunks, I’ve never read a letter to the editor whinging about overly Christmasey overtones — rather, I only ever seem to read the ones which whinge about said hypothetical whingers. But either way, I find it hard to imagine anyone taking issue with a film for involving Christmas as a tangential and not particularly Christian plot point.

And if these people do exist, is the plan to hoodwink them into seeing such a film? There must be more of them than I can possibly imagine to make the effort of rebranding the film worthwhile.

I don’t get it. What upsets me more, though, is the realisation that at some point in my life, “Four Christmases” turned from sounding awesome to sounding terrifying, and I didn’t even notice.

As I write this, there are 79 minutes left in November, which means I’ll need to average something like 10 words per second to finish NaNoWriMo in time. Maybe next year.

Several things got in the way of it, but one of the most enjoyable was Fable II. After previously giving up on Fable in irritation after a gaggle of annoying villagers called me “Chicken Chaser” for no reason I could sensibly work out, I didn’t expect to enjoy the sequel, but a bunch of good reviews persuaded me to give it a chance. I was happy I did; though the villagers are still annoying in that they’ll swarm you the second you come into the village,¹ the generally malleable nature of the world is highly entertaining. Any game which claims that you can make your own destiny will always be lying to some extent, but Fable II’s major decisions and consequences are usually interesting, and occasionally hilarious.

Another thing was Gears of War II, a solid if unremarkable sequel to the solid if unremarkable original. I’m playing through the campaign with Andy and with housemate Andrew at the moment, which avoids those awkward moments when you shout out the wrong partner’s name during a particularly intense bit.

I moved house recently, and was given a chilli plant. Having gotten over my initial disbelief and excitement at learning that I suddenly controlled the means of chilli production, I almost forgot I had it. Luckily, it still appears to be alive.

They’ve released a Deluxe Edition of Casino Royale, the bastards. It’s not even remotely fair. Most films don’t even have one Blu-Ray release, and here’s Casino Royale getting two. I’ve gotten some practice at palming off DVD copies of films to friends when I want to upgrade to Blu-Ray, but it’s harder to find people to palm old Blu-Rays off to.

I’ve been meaning to write one of Andy’s “And Now, Five Things”, but then, I’ve been meaning to do a lot of things.

1. And, occasionally wander into your bedroom while you’re sharing a special moment with your wife. ↩

BTW, Nanowrimo fell on its arse around here.  Probably should have thought of a plot before I started writing. I wrote two chapters just by introducing new characters before I gave up.

Also, did you know that parking inspectors can give you a ticket if you’re lying down in a parking spot?

Ok everyone, it’s one week until November, so you know what that means.¹  It’s almost time for the First Annual NaNoWriMo!  You don’t know what NaNoWriMo is? It’s National Novel Writing Month. Don’t be put off by the misleading title,² the aim of NaNoWriMo is to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November.  Here’s the faq.

So you’ve never written a novel?  Not to worry, just dive right in.  The only requirement is some kind of writing device.³ Here’s my profile, so all I need now is an idea for my novel.  Please leave your ideas what I could write about and glowing reviews of my novel in the comments, and enjoy the magic of writing in November.

1. No, not another year wasted, although that is true too. ↩
2. National Novel Writing Month is international and you only need fifty thousand words so it’s more like a novella. The Writing and Month parts are accurate ↩
3. Even pen and paper would qualify, although counting the words by hand could be tough. ↩

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There are many shows on right now in the Melbourne Fringe Festival so it can be difficult to choose which one to see.  To solve your dilemma, I recommend you see The Diary of Alexander Flemming because it has my girlfriend in it.  There, problem fixed.

Have you ever felt that the house you’re moving into has more history than you’ve been told? Often it’s just squeaky floorboards, faulty plumbing, or a room full of dismembered hands. But sometimes… just sometimes… your paranoia is right on the money.

The Diary of Alexander Fleming, is the story of an everyday guy in a supernatural setting. Tim needs a place to stay… badly. But the only place available is with a creepy landlord who smiles way too much. Against his better judgement Tim takes the room, but soon starts to suspect he’s not the only being residing in it. Can Tim solve the mystery without forfeiting his bond? Will he live to see the sunrise? The only way to know is to see the Diary of Alexander Flemming while you still can!

Circus Catharsis have successfully produced two other narrative circus shows The Frog Prince in 2005 which received the La Mama emerging script writers’ award and Evermind in 2006 which received the Circus Oz development award.

Dates 8th – 12th of October 2008 Venue: The Northcote town hall studio 1 Time: 8.30pm Tickets: $18 full, $15 concession, $10 groups of 5 or more Bookings: call the mellbourne fringe on 03 9660 9666 or visit www.melbournefringe.com.au

In today’s hectic world, some things just don’t get the attention they deserve — like meat.  So I present to you five meat related products for you enjoyment:

1. The Hot Beef Sundae. I didn’t even realise that this existed — to have lived all my life without eating some golden mashed potatoes covered with a generous portion of roasted and seasoned to perfection top round beef, then aged cheddar cheese, more golden mashed potatoes smothered with special beef gravy, more aged cheese, a slice of buttered toast and a cherry tomato on top.  To make matters worse, there’s more than one in existence, which I haven’t eaten. This Hot Beef Sundae has a bowl full of hand-mashed, home-style potatoes surrounded by a slow-roasted, fork-tender roast beef topped with savoury beef gravy, a sprinkling of shredded cheddar cheese and finished with a sweet, red tomato on top. Mmmmmm.

2. If you are looking for a present for the man who has everything, why not give him a marble floor made from salami? It is both practical and delicious. Caution may attract zombies in the event of an apocalypse, and keep it away from dogs and toddlers.

3. I don’t think meat gets enough public awareness these days. Why not support the cause with a I Love Meat Wristband? Meat needs your support. There’s lots you can do to help the cause — when’s the last time you told a cow how delicious it is?

4. This is one for the kiddies — if they fall over and get a boo-boo, patch them up with one of these bacon bandaids. It even comes with a free toy. What could take their mind off the pain more than their favourite meat?

5. In more Bacon News, Wendy’s Baconator isn’t very good for you.  Also, it looks better in the ads.  I think there’s room in the market for a proper bacon burger. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to design my bacon burger.  If you’d like to enter the Name Andrew’s Bacon Burger Contest, please leave your suggestions in the comments.  You might win a free bacon burger! Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery of the prize to non-Australian addresses.

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