Like condoms during the Olympics, Nintendo’s console is in great demand. This seems to be because the console is the cheapest of the current generation, rather than anything spectacular about the console. I was going to use this blog to complain about the Wii, specifically its name, the amount of shovelware on the console and waggle being the new button mashing, but I’ve decided to be more positive, so here are five things the Wii should be able to do:

1. Guns. The Wii has a controller that points at the screen. Light guns point at the screen. So why are there no decent games or light guns for the Wii? Part of the trouble is with the Wii remote’s odd design — the buttons are in the wrong place so a new peripheral is needed, but surely if Duck Hunt could be made for the NES, then a decent game can be made for the Wii. Seems like an easy way to sell a lot of games.

2. Swords. The Wii knows where the controller is pointing and how it moves so it could be used as a sword. I don’t mean like in Red Steel where there are three possible moves — I want my character in the game to do exactly as I do with the remote. I want the game to teach me actual sword fighting moves. And I want to use a lightsaber.

3. Autostart. If I want to play a game on my 360, I turn it on. It starts up, starts the game and logs in, all by itself. To play a game on the Wii, I have to press A for the safety warning, point the remote at the screen, press A to select what I want and then press A again to confirm that I didn’t retardedly select the wrong thing. Then I get told not whack anything with the remote and to use the safety grip and the wrist strap. It takes about half an hour just to weigh myself on the Wii Fit. Speaking of interface problems, it’d be nice to be able to use a classic controller on the menu screen, or have the weather and news already loaded with Connect24.

4. Accurate pointing. The Wii lacks a way to callibrate the remote, so there’s no way that the onscreen pointer will be pointing at the place you are pointing at. It’s a laugh to see people new to the Wii expect the Wii to be able to know what they’re actually pointing at.

5. Connectivity. I know after that after Nintendo’s constant fascination with connecting the gamecube and the gameboy, everyone’s sick of the idea, but given that my house is already full of DSs and Wiis and that no extra cables would be needed, it be pretty cool to be able to play games that use both, or send games to the DS that have been downloaded from the Wii, like Nintendo said they would do two years ago.

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This entry was posted by the illustrious Andy Cocker on Thursday, July 31st, 2008. It concerns such pressing issues as five things, wii. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.