I must say that I agree with Shannon about this episode. It was very funny to see them so worked up over such trivial things. I liked the bad guy who didn’t know he was bad guy idea. There a few episodes where someone accidentally causes trouble and they spend a whole episode on some lame problem. Fortunately this wasn’t one of them.

The music got on my nerves after a while. I agreed with Dawn for most of the episode. Buffy’s always ‘me me me’. Someone should take her down a notch. I’m surprised that none of them use some sort of ‘globe of invunerability’ or ‘protection from spells’ spell. I guess that’d rule out too many amusing adventures.

[Longer next time, or I’ll get someone else not prone to spontaneous interstate trips to do these — Ed]

Daredevil is a film about a blind man who has superhuman abilities that allow him to see. This cute little fact has led to many, many cheap jokes at the character’s expense. I shan’t make any, however, not because I have any resistance for making bad jokes, but because it is in the portrayal of the abilities of Matt Murdock (Ben Affleck) that the film truly succeeds.

The special effect sequences that show Murdock detecting, by use of a ‘radar sense’, an incredibly detailed picture of the landscape around him — not just what a normal man could see — are very nicely done. In particular, the sequence where he forms the lovely Elektra’s (Jennifer Garner) face from the noise of raindrops is moving and beautiful — as well as setting up the rain concept for later.

Ben Affleck turns in an excellent performance as Murdock, showing a vulnerable, and ever so slightly psychotic, hero. Though the decision to have the Daredevil give a gruff whisper for some of his lines was a poor one — it lends a rather cartoony atmosphere to the scene where we see Murdock’s initial bad-guy arse-whupping. Which ends up being the film’s biggest problem.

There’s a way to balance cartoony-ness and brutality. I’m fairly sure Tim Burton’s Batman did it, thought it’s been a while since I saw it. Daredevil doesn’t. For every bloody, convincingly disturbing fight, we have things like a slow pan up on the Kingpin, standing at his window like he was waiting for the camera to get to his face. For every pill Murdock pops to stay in the game, we have an amusing distraction from Bullseye (Colin Farrell). Ultimately the film has little consistency of tone, and it suffers for it.

Some of the plot points are a little confusing too. Murdock gets stabbed in the shoulder one night, and is so incapacitated that he can’t manage to save someone very dear to him. Even when she has her throat cut and her own weapon stuck through her belly, she crawls over to him, rather than vice versa. This just seems rude and lazy of the Daredevil, when you consider that that night, he goes on to defeat both her assassin and the brutal crime boss who ordered the kill. Other than this, the action is generally handled quite well. All the major players are shown on a fairly even playing field, which gives a nice tension to the fight scenes that many films lack. Although Matt’s fatal weakness — loud noise — seems just a little to much of a weakness for him to consider seriously pursuing his crime fighting career. The moment SonicMan or BoomGirl turn up, he’s toast.

Another major drawback the film has is Matt’s genesis story. From Superman to Spider-Man, the story of how the hero(es) got their powers seems mandatory. And thus is at least 30 minutes of screen time taken up. Also, so as to make that time seem less of a waste, a lame plot thread is added linking the villain of the piece to some formative moment in the child hero’s life. I would have vastly preferred, in Daredevil‘s case, to skip that whole bit, and have a more complex plot than “Hey, I’m gonna kill that guy and his kid… ooh, who’s that guy in red leather?”. It’s not like Murdock’s abilities make any more sense when you’re told that a vat of radioactive material exploded in his face. That’d explain death, but not supersonar enhancements.

Overall, Daredevil manages far more moral complexity than it’s recent predecessor, Spider-Man, but doesn’t seem to have remembered to bring the rest of the film in line with this depth. The result is a film that will be enjoyed by comic buffs, but dismissed as stupid by many. Which is less than it deserves… but not by much.

…continued from part one. The countdown begins…

10 | Him (706)

Written by Drew Z. Greenberg, Directed by Michael Gershman

Dawn, Buffy, Anya and even Willow fall head over heels in love with a jock from Dawn’s school. The gals battle it out to prove who’s love is strongest, and it is left to Xander and Spike to foil the master plan.

One of the things I liked about this one was that unlike the rest of season seven, this episode was a stand alone, like in the good ol’ seasons. Most of season seven follows an arc of storyline with no individual closure to each episode. Some people like this, I just happen not to. I like to know that in 42 minutes the problem will be solved, unless it happens to be an extra big bad where it can sometimes take two episodes at most. The beauty of ‘Him’ is that you needn’t have seen any of the precursory episodes to find it just as amusing as the rest of our friendly cult do.

The underscoring. The keenly attuned snatch and grab plan of Spike and Xander. The rocket launcher. It all made me chortle.

WILLOW: Damn love spell. I have tried every anti-love spell spell I could find.
ANYA: Even if you find the right one, the guy would probably just do an anti-anti-love spell spell… spell.

09 | Band Candy (306)

Written by Jane Espenson, Directed by Michael Lange

Snyder recruits the high school students of Sunnydale to sell candy bars to raise funds for the marching band. However, Ethan Rayne, the ghost of Giles’ darker days, puts a spell on the candy which has all the adults of Sunnydale acting like high school students.

Part of the reason I like the episode so much is that Anthony Stewart Head gets something interesting to do. Giles has a lot of potential for humour, and the opportunity isn’t given to him as often as I would love to see. In this episode, Head, like Kristine Sutherland who plays Joyce, gets to play with the character and the result is of course highly amusing. This is the one time we actually see ‘Ripper’ on screen. The scene where he tells Buffy to beat up Ethan for info ranks a mention, but its little things in this episode that really got me, for now the only example I can come up with being the mailman reading everyone’s mail. So cute.

BUFFY: Something’s weird.
OZ: Something’s not?

08 | Passion (217)

Written by Ty King, Directed by Michael E. Gershman

Angel has become Angelus, and devotes his evil, evil ways to freaking out Buffy and the people she loves. He draws some very pretty drawings of Buffy and Joyce asleep, and leaves Willow some dead fish. All this is irrelevant however; the main plot point you need to know is that he kills Jenny Calendar in this episode. Oh, and the slayerettes have to study for their S.A.T.’s.

Reading various interviews of Joss Whedon over time, has led me to believe that he likes to kill off his characters. By that I mean, he likes to let his audience fall in love with a character, and then shock viewers by disposing of said characters — and this works so effectively because we as an audience aren’t accustomed to tv shows doing this. An example is Jesse in the pilot of the Buffy series. According to Tom (my most reliable bibliographical research source — though he’s editing this so he’ll probably change what I said), Joss wanted to put Eric Balfour (Jesse) in the opening titles sequence so that when he was vampified and consequently staked later in the two-part opener to BtVS, we were left scratching our heads and perhaps mending our broken hearts. He certainly did this to us in Season One Angel.. Doyle.. sniffle..

Ok, so what’s my point? Jenny Calendar. Not only did he allow us to get to love her, he allowed Giles to get to love her. Giles, whom I love. So ‘Passion’ rates a mention for a couple of reasons:

1. The shock — chasing her around the school, I was sure Angelus wasn’t going to catch her, because hey, the goody always wins, right?
2. The tears. Oh yes, there were tears when Giles cracked that lovely smile in his ignorance of Angelus’ brutal illusion.
3. The beautiful, if dark, voiceover from Angelus through the episode.

ANGELUS: Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping… waiting… And though unwanted, unbidden it will stir… open its jaws, and howl. Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love? the clarity of hatred… and the ecstasy of grief. It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank… Without passion, we’d be truly dead.

Another quote worth mentioning…

XANDER: I’m sorry, but let’s not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying ‘I told you so’ long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, ‘Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!’

07 | Hush (410)

Written and directed by Joss Whedon

WILLOW (about Buffy and Riley’s relationship): Well, get with it. I need my vicarious smoochies!
BUFFY: I don’t know. I get nervous and I start babbling, and he starts babbling, and it’s a babblefest!

06 | Tabula Rasa (608)

Written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner, Directed by David Grossman

Willow casts another ‘forget’ spell which goes awry and the troops all awake in the Magic Box not knowing who they, or each other are, or why there are what seem to be real live vampires beating down the door. Giles assumes he is engaged to Anya, and that due to his accent, Spike (who is dressed in tweed and thinks his name is Randy) is his son. Willow thinks Xander is her boyfriend, and Buffy (Joan) somehow figures out Dawn is her sister. When their memories return, Tara leaves Willow and Giles goes back to pommyville. I guess they didn’t see the humour in the situation as much as I did.

This episode is so much fun to watch, and at the same time its one of the saddest episodes too. Now I wasn’t a huge fan of Tara (or of Amber Benson more accurately — learn to act, girl!!) but I was sad to see her leave our Willow. And Giles, well.. sniffles.. don’t get me started. However even the sentimental farewells of these characters (temporary as their absences were) only succeeded in adding to the overall dynamite-ness of this one. Some of the best bits: Giles and Randy — that hug, Giles and Anya — what a hoot, Xander and Willow — cos deep down I always wanted to see them together, and Joan and Randy — ‘lame vampire-with-a-soul’ joke.

Double points for the use of an Avril song! I didn’t know who Avril Lavigne was when I saw this ep, but I had to go find out because I fell in love with the song ‘Goodbye to You’, which worked so very well in this episode. Unlike Andy, I didn’t mind the Joan/Randy story progression; I think it creates more interest/tension/vicarious smoochies. And anything that puts Spike in the central storyline is Ok by me! My only picky point is that I wish that shark-guy moved his lips a bit when he spoke. It was like ventriloquism without the dummy.

GILES: We’ll get our memory back and it’ll all be right as rain.
SPIKE: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He’s got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so… Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks. Oh, god. I’m English.
GILES: Welcome to the nancy-tribe.

…continued in part three. The conclusion…

[Our regular reviewer, a Mr Andrew Cocker, is currently suspected to be in Tasmania. Hopefully by the next episode we will have found him — until then, I’ll take over — Tom]

‘Help’ has it’s good points. A firm grounding in the real world. More of the wonderfully insane Spike. But it has it’s bad points too. Buffy‘s trademarked ‘villains with no clear or sensible rationale who we just chucked in coz we couldn’t be bothered’ for a start. And a painfully over-sentimental ending.

The girl playing Cassandra Newton does a fairly good job. The cute foretellings are fun, especially Cassie’s comment to Spike.

Tsk. Who am I kidding. I haven’t seen this episode in ages. Andy’s supposed to be doing this. Bloody Tasmania. What makes him so special that he can just go flitting about the continent whenever he wants to? Huh?

Ahem. Anyhoo.

Er… Buffy’s character — y’know, if anyone really cares about her character at this point — undergoes a bit of a maturing here, as she comes to terms with the fact that she can’t save everyone, but that shouldn’t stop her trying. Didn’t Angel work that out two years back? Couldn’t he have emailed her or something? Ah well.

In the end, the episode is ok, but displays a bit of the subtle preachiness that occasionally posesses this otherwise intelligent show — such as in ‘Beer Bad’, for a really on-the-nose example. Still, the sensitive issue of teen suicide is dealt with, um, sensitively, which is good. Though this episode doesn’t really explore the issues to the extent that season two’s ‘I Only Have Eyes for You’ did.

I give it 2 rushed reviews out of 4.

Well, this is a risky undertaking. I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t on a lot of these decisions. The ranking and inclusion of some of these episodes may make some gentle readers cranky, and the exclusion of others (or their presence on the bottom 10 list) may enrage the rest of you. But generally I am far too conservative to break any rules or test any boundaries, so I think you’ll find most are the popular faves and that I lack any real or new opinion of my own. Having said that, I did think on this for a somewhat extended period of time and didn’t consult other reviews or ratings before making my decisions. I just happen to be a wallflower. Or a sunflower. Or whatever the flower is that makes me a sheep. Controversially perhaps though is that my numero uno episode isn’t a Joss/Joss masterpiece, or even a Noxon wonderscript (who isn’t included at all!) but two lesser known of the Buffy crew. So, without further ado… the honourable mentions.

Superstar (417)

Written by Jane Espenson, Directed by David Grossman

Jonathan, the nerd and poster-boy victim of Sunnydale High during the days of the scoobies, is a superhero who fights vampires better than our Buffster, went to medical school before graduating high school, and also starred in The Matrix.

I love Jonathan. Especially in the earlier days when he was an occasional character, and always played the loveable victim, an innocent regular high school Joe. Earshot is another fave, but just doesn’t quite make this list. I was really stoked when they brought Jonathan back as a regular, evil nemesis status aside.

This episode came after turbulent times, with two tense episodes involving a revengeful Faith, and the humour was exactly what was needed. Jonathan’s inclusion in the opening credits was perhaps one of the nicest eccentricities of this episode, and very whedon-esque.

WILLOW: I don’t care if it is an orgy of death, there’s still such a thing as a napkin.

Something Blue (409)

Written by Tracey Forbes, Directed by Nick Marck

Willow casts a spell to have her will done, to heal her heart after the departure of Oz, but it backfires and she inadvertently wills Giles blind, Xander a demon magnet, and Buffy and Spike engaged to be married.

Ok, this episode was just plain fun. In the scheme of things, it placed between ‘Pangs’, an episode where angel returns to town in all his mysterious and broody glory, and ‘Hush’, indisputably one of the creepiest episodes of BtVS so far. A hearty spot of hilarity is just what audiences needed, similar to the way ‘Doublemeat Palace’ sought to break up the darkness that filled a good stretch of season six, but ‘Something Blue’ was actually effective in doing so.

The guest appearance of Elizabeth Anne Allen as Amy for all of 3 seconds had me laughing out loud, and though the Spike and Buffy engagement was cheesiness at its best, it still brought a smile.

SPIKE: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

Restless (422)

Written and Directed by Joss Whedon

After a hard days work killing the indestructible Adam, the gang settle in for a video night, and promptly all nod off into dreamland. A somewhat chaotic dreamscape then ensues, complete with monsters and near-death experiences for all.

This episode has to at least get a mention purely for the cheese man. One of the most memorable / quirky / hilarious moments in the Buffy saga — completely irrelevant and entirely Joss. In case you have no idea what I am talking about, each character goes through a different dream sequence but in each appears a dude with sliced cheese. I don’t know why I find this so damned funny, but I do. Especially in Buffy’s sequence where she is in the middle of a desert, talking to the essence of the first slayer, and along comes a balding guy in tweed who dangles some cheese in her face and then disappears offscreen again. Absurd and utterly golden.

Other high points: The wry smile on Oz’s face as he whispers something to an amused Tara (seeing Oz in any episode is a high point, but this scene with Tara plays on the intriguing contrasts between them), Spike in tweed, and the lovely precursor to ‘Tabula Rasa’ with Giles declaring he is like a son, and of course, Spike hiring himself out as an attraction and the brilliant array of poses he strikes for adoring cameras.

GILES (singing): It’s strange, it’s not like anything we’ve faced before / It seems familiar somehow / Of course / The spell we cast with Buffy must have released some primal evil that’s come back seeking / I’m not sure what / Willow, look through the chronicles for some reference to a warrior beast / I’ve got to warn Buffy / There’s every chance she might be next / And Xander / help Willow / And try not to bleed on my couch / I’ve just had it steam-cleaned…

Continued in part two…

When reading various Sherlock Holmes stories last year, the most negative aspect that struck me was the relationship between Holmes and Watson. Holmes does all the thinking, Watson follows him around and doesn’t pick up on anything at all until the end, when Holmes describes in detail what’s been going on, whereupon Watson gushes about how damned clever his friend is and sits down to have tea. So the last thing I expected when watching The Hound of the Baskervilles was to enjoy Watson, with or without Holmes.

It was somewhat surprising then, to find that Watson, and his relationship with his mentor, was one of the most compelling aspects of this adaptation. While at first the redoubtable doctor (played by Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone‘s Ian Hart) seems a touch dry and boring next to Richard Roxburgh’s (Moulin Rouge) Holmes, he becomes more interesting for his journey to Dartmoor, and by the time the detective pair are reunited they are sparking off each other brilliantly. Certainly once Watson brings his anger to bear on Stapleton, the audience can’t help but love him. Of most interest is Watson’s criticism of Holmes’ methods, and the question of trust between the two men. It comes as a not unwelcome surprise for Watson to save the day at the very end, and for Holmes to depend on him.

Hound itself is not a straightforward Sherlock Holmes mystery by any means. Not even originally intended to feature the Great Detective, it is far closer to a gothic novel, into which Holmes wanders with his rationality and reason. Like the book, we skip vast chunks of detective work — when Holmes reappears, he brings with him a bunch of exposition and a knowledge of the wrongdoer that suddenly scuppers any tension in that regard. But this is made up for not only by what I’ve mentioned above, but also by the brilliant villain, Stapleton (Richard E. Grant).

A person writing into the Melbourne Age complained that Roxburgh and Grant had been cast in the wrong roles. I can’t fathom this for a second. Roxburgh’s Holmes is edgy, determined, yet vulnerable, with a slightly alien manner that both unsettles and charms. Meanwhile, Grant’s Stapleton is all open charm and eagerness, slightly childish, with a devilish yet real mean streak. Grant’s performance is nowhere more impressive than when he threatens his ‘sister’ outside Baskerville Hall. He is certainly a far more fearsome creature than the computer generated hound.

There are a few negative points — the aforementioned hound has the stupidest looking paw ever, for example. The portrait of Hugo Baskerville is so much like Richard E. Grant that it makes everyone — especially the late Sir Charles Baskerville — look incredibly moronic not to have spotted the resemblance. And the seance scene seems rather pointless. While it’s concievable that Stapleton simply wanted to scare Holmes, it seems a risk to frighten Henry Baskerville — the man Stapleton needs to be fearless enough to walk across the moor later.

But these are trifles. If there is a major fault to the adaptation, it is simply that it leaves us wanting more of Holmes and Watson. Sadly, there seems little chance of this for a while. We will however see Roxburgh at least as two more iconic literary figures on the big screen soon — Count Dracula and Dr James Moriarty…

I’m impressed. I thought Buffy had run out of good episodes towards the end of last season and I wasn’t looking forward to another season. Yet they keep on coming.

Unlike Willow, whenever people haven’t arrived to pick me up at the airport my first thought is ‘They must have turned invisible and we can no longer see each other.’ This has, however, not yet proved to be the case but now that I know it can happen, I’m going to be extra careful.

The dialogue is this episode was of a better standard than of recent times. Often it just feels like stuff is happening but without any real point, but in this episode everything seemed to fit together better.

Spike, who I disliked intensely all of last season (and the one before too) was amusingly insane. I only hope that when I go insane it will be half as good as that.

It was an odd contrast switching between the horror of Willow being eaten and the comedy Dawn’s posable paralysis. It was unexpectedly disgusting watching Willow’s skin being pulled off. Usually scary monsters don’t come off as scary but this one did. I haven’t felt much empathy towards Willow for a while but her loneliness and the torment of having your skin pulled off, little by little, stuck a chord with me. And then back to Dawn’s funny posable body. Such an odd transition. And back to probably one of the most disgusting monsters in Buffy.

Unfortunately the episode was let down by a lame ending but then everything man touches becomes a mixture of good and evil.

Fans of Igor Goes South have been eagerly anticipating the release of the latest installment from production house Not Terribly Good Films since last summer, and the wait has been well rewarded. The newest addition to the family of creations from those masters of filmmaking, Tom Charman, Andrew Cocker and Jackson Kearney is teeming with wit, charm and characteristic inconsistencies that will keep audiences guessing! Holes in plot are cleverly disguised by entertaining chase-sequences and rambunctious fight scenes, complete with acrobatics that would marvel even David Boreanaz’s stunt double.

The premise is there for a good story — our good guy gone astray turns to evil deeds due to a lifelessness from his console-obsessed mates, with arson his attention-seeking tool. The battle over the matchbox (which we discover to be key to actually lighting a match, and thereby burning the house down) moves however, to the back burner of storyline somewhat in order to indulge in lengthy fight scenes. Of course, as discerning theatre goers (or grapefruit-goers more accurately, as this film was simply too marvelous for film nor television release) we know that all this mucking about in the backyard is justified by that matchbox lying in the background. It is the miraculous appearance of Spiderman that is the true riddle for audiences. Keep your eyes on his haircut, and adjustable-length pants.

In spite of these minor nitpicks, the overall production standard is remarkable, taking into consideration factors such as budget and maturity. Ahem. The effects of the studio have greatly improved since previous productions, with no expense being spared on sepia sequencing or slow motion replays. All in all these ingredients add up to a highly entertaining 4 minutes 40 seconds of frivolity and nonsense that any bored young person is sure to get a kick out of.

Note: An extra level of comprehension can be attained by a little background viewing. A sound understanding of the following will enhance your Not Terribly Good Film experience: The Matrix, Spiderman, Angel, Lord of the Rings (the literary text), and wherever the hell that whole ‘flaming sword’ thing finds its roots [Voltron — Ed].

Ah oh, what’s with the milo??

24‘s first season presented us with some fantastic, edge-of-your-seat drama, with the extra gimmick of occasionally being able to see something happen from different angles. And then, at around 12 noon in it’s day-long series, it just sort of died. Jack had rescued his wife and daughter, so the personal element was gone — his link to the assassins had gone too, and so it was just some guy running after some bad men. Ultimately, the concept didn’t stretch to a whole season, and things just started happening for no particular reason.

The second season, however, has shown great improvement right from the start. Simply put, 24 knows it’s just a stupid suspense film stretched out to 24 hours, and is behaving accordingly. No more irritating amnesia (touch wood), no more tender, heartfelt ruminations on whether daddy’s going to save us, or whether I should tell my husband about my pregnancy, or about who had an affair with whom. Just straight out action with life or death choices being made left, right and center.

By the end of the first four hours, almost every character has done something they will come to regret. The now President David Palmer has incarcerated a journalist illegally. Lynne Kresge has not managed to warn CTU of a potential bomb strike in time to save lives. George Mason, head of CTU, tried to skip the town and ended up being contaminated in a radioactive accident. Tony Almeida has agreed to risk his new computer programmer’s life to recusitate her and gain access to secrets only she knew. Gary Matheson has been beating his wife and daughter, and now his nanny has stolen the kid. Well, ok, he probably deserves that though.

And Jack Bauer … four hours ago he was retired, and shambling after his estranged daughter like a big loser. Now he’s killed four men (that’s one per hour — let’s see if he can keep this up) and stood by while an innocent technician was killed. The fact that one of the killings happened in a government building, with someone who thought he had protection from the law, seems to bother some critics. I can understand concerns that the new 24 is too violent, but I fail to see how any of Jack’s ‘murders’ are more justified than the others.

In any case, to be concerned about anything Jack’s done between 8:00am and 12:00am would suggest that we’re taking the show seriously.

I know I’m not.

Last month I watched the final episode of ‘The X Files’. I haven’t watched the show since the aggressively boring finale to season 7. And yet I still had fond memories of it, despite being convinced that Chris Carter had absolutely no idea what was really going on. And the last episode of the X-Files? Television history, surely?

Well, as a piece of television, ‘The Truth’ stands up remarkably poorly. It starts with what would have been the longest “Previously, on…” section I’d ever seen if I’d never watched ‘Buffy’. And then, after a bit of infiltration by Mulder, who is captured, we move straight into … a TRIAL! Heh. Now there’s something fresh. You don’t see many trials on TV these days, do you? What’s more, in this one, all the characters keep on whinging about how the court makes no sense and that the defence’s case is irrelevant and impossible to prove. Which undercuts any tension somewhat. I found the trial occurring on The Practice more involving, and I only saw that in the ad-breaks.

I was never sure whether I was supposed to be taking the Trial seriously. Mulder sure wasn’t. His Hannibal gag was cute. At one point, Gibson the Psychic Wonder comes in to give evidence. Say. Here’s someone who can give proof of the paranormal. Read someone’s mind, Gibson! But he doesn’t. No, in fact, he just tells the judges that one of them is an alien. Way to go. One imagines that if the judges knew, then Mulder never had a chance anyway, and if they didn’t, then he just doesn’t have a chance NOW. Scully also finds some nifty evidence, but is told she can’t tell them. Bother.

Well, after the trial, I was fooled into thinking something was going to happen. After all, the Mulder’s defence had really been just an even longer “Previously, on…” section. Perhaps they were reminding you of some salient facts so that the second half would be really thrilling? But no, the second half involves Mulder’s escape and subsequent visit to … the Cigarette Smoking Man! “We thought you were dead!” “Nope.” He turns out to be the man that sent Mulder into trouble at the start of the episode, and helped him find out the BIG SECRET that I’ll discuss later.

Meanwhile, any chance for excitement or drama is being killed mercilessly. Gibson’s been exposed, his life may be in danger! Well, no one tries anything. They know where Mulder and Scully have gone! They’re going to kill them! Oops, no. They just want the Cigarette Smoking Man. And since we only knew he was alive again five minutes ago, I don’t think anyone actually cares. Reyes and Doggett are being chased by a Super Soldier! Well, The CSM already told us that the rocks round here are lethal to them.

The episode finishes with Mulder and Scully in a motel room. They seem to have spent a lot of time in such rooms, which gives this some nice resonance, I suppose. There are some tender moments, and we find that now, Mulder wants to believe… in a God. Woah. In a better episode, this might have been cheesy. In a pile of vomit like this, it’s actually the best moment in the show, just because we didn’t see it coming ages ago.

Once upon a time this series was famous for scaring, thrilling and shocking people. This episode does none of these things, nor even tries. What a wonderful end to the series.