Canada

Damn these US customs people. I had no problem at all but they’re so INTIMIDATING that I sweated more fluid than I thought was possible. I dread to think what it’s like when you have done something wrong.

They weren’t impressed with my iPod dock connector, I think they saw it as some kind of bomb detonator.

In other news I sat next to a lovely American man who sketched all sorts of wildlife and people from photographs, and who gave me a signed print of a dingo’s face he’d done, which was really nice. I just hope it’s in one piece when I get home…

Now, I’d better get back, I don’t want to miss out on anyone going out for dinner. A review of Tomb Raider 2 might be on its way, though obviously not covering any of the violent bits. What a strange world, where you just fall over after bad men walk threateningly towards you.

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The Case Against Doing Work in Advance

I can’t find my damn assignment that I did 3 weeks ago!

Gaaaaaaaah!

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Hrrrrrmmmmmmmmmm

And suddenly, I’m starting to panic.

Panicking about travel, panicking about an exam, panicking about an assignment, panicking about doing something completely wrong in both, panicking about forgetting something very important, panicking about not getting a job quickly enough…

On the bright side, it does cast my normal, light-weight angst into sharp relief.

What in the name of all that’s holy compelled me to take ‘Electromagnetism (Advanced)’? Why not just ‘Electromagnetism’? What’s so damned exciting about that last word? Clearly it’s time to lead a time travelling strike force back to knock my October 2002 self unconscious.

Speaking of unconscious, the season finale of Alias was something of a disappointment. Not really a thrilling cliffhanger as much as a damp squib. I’m not sure I actually learned anything I didn’t already know.

That’s it, Tom. Focus on the important things.

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Bingo

The Burgers of Beef launched their new cd, Bingo, last Saturday at the Carlton Hotel in East Perth, in one of the best performances I have ever seen. They played their new tracks as well as the favourites from their first cd. The new music was a big hit with the crowd with an impromptu mosh pit forming at times. The band made up of Chad, Blaine, Pete and De, showed just what experienced performers they are. They used many classic dance moves such as leg kicks and hand claps to keep the crowd entertained. The performance wound up with an encore and a cd signing. The only thing that slightly marred the evening was some controversy about a cd case that was sold without a cd in it. Aside from that everything was fine. There was no rain, no power cuts, it all went pretty smoothly.

But enough of the once-in-a-lifetime launch. I know you want to hear about the songs. They lead one’s soul on an emotional roller coaster ride while retaining an upbeat feel. First is the poignant nostalgia of ‘Palmerston’, quickly followed by the cheerful ‘Hooker’. Then there’s the short and punchy ‘Breakin’ tha Noo’s’ containing relationship angst and the happy ‘Never Kick the Dog’. The essence of wanting to fit into a crowd and isolation is captured perfectly in ‘Penguin’. The sad tale of a penguin in a rock’n’roll band who can only play the kazoo because he doesn’t have hands is one we can all relate to. The final track is ‘Yeah Yeah Yeah’ which unexpectedly only contains the words yeah yeah yeah.

The songs really showcase the multitalentedness of the band, as each member has a variety of skills. All four sing to varying degrees and do handclaps. Chad is on guitar / bad inbetween song banter; Blaine is on bass / rock kicks, Pete plays the trombone / keyboard / big hair; De plays drums / pilates. The Burgers are obviously not afraid of a gimmick as their performance suggests, for the cd features a humorous reversible cover.

At only 13:10, some may criticise the short length of the cd, but every track is pure gold with not a note wasted. Fans will be left wanting more and if the newly written but unreleased song, ‘Satellite’, is any indication, the best is yet to come.

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Burgers

It’s about time for another entry I guess. Otherwise I might look like certain other webloggers who don’t write entries.

There’s new TAOKJ up. I would have had this up earlier but I wasn’t sure of what the batman scene change looked liked so I tried to download an episode. It took a while to get one, as they’re not that popular and there are too many bastards with not enough slots open. I then decided to make a movie with it using voices, however my video editor can only see the starting image of certain avi files and I wasn’t able to edit it. I fiddled about for a month or so before giving up and making a gif and then my gif animator would crash sometimes or my saved file would become corrupted so it’s taken a while to get started again. Enough of my excuses.

ok, own up. Who put up an old version of the main page after I had updated it with TAOKJ news?

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number9dream

“So you created our universe?”
“Quite. 9 days ago. […] May I propose an objective experiment to verify my claims?”
“What do you have in mind?”
“Belgium.”
“Belgium?”
“I don’t suppose even the Belgians would miss it, do you?”

The books I’ve been reading for the last few years can all be broken down into three categories:

  • Read for Uni
  • Birthday or Christmas Present
  • Doctor Who

The most variable of these is the middle type. I’m still in the middle of Uncle Tungsten due to the narrator’s painful dullness. Dude, Where’s my Country took me two days to devour. number9dream took longer to read — but every page was a pleasure. Named for a song by John Lennon — who does crop up a few times in the book — number9dream is partially set in modern-day Japan, but mostly inside the head of its hero.

David Mitchell’s story is about a country boy searching for his never-met father in the big city. It sounds cliched, and for about three pages I was a bit concerned… but no more than that. The novel is dynamic, engaging and thrilling, but not so clever that you’re removed from the story. Despite all manners of amusing devices being used, the characters engage you firmly, and strong ideas shine through. The prose is a big part of this — some tracts are as dazzling as my copy’s cover proclaimed the book to be. “Every time I think of the girl, my heart sort of squid-propels itself.” I can’t think of a more perfect description.

The novel hits the ground running — I challenge anyone not to love the first chapter to pieces. After the initial obfuscation, we’re introduced to Eiji Miyake — perhaps the most perfectly drawn 20 year old I’ve ever read about. There’s a tendency for writers attempting to capture the spirit of young adults to just write themselves, but make them do something stupid every chapter. That’s not the case here. We spend a lot of time in Eiji’s head, and not a second isn’t both enjoyable and authentic.

Some parts of the novel aren’t quite as perfect. There’s segments of a children’s book that turn up at one point which didn’t engage me so much, and some of the organised crime that peppers the narrative flies just a bit further over the top than I thought suited the story — though this of course is very subjective. The introduction of an organ-trafficking conspiracy seems occasionally over the top. But these quibbles are easily balanced by a beautifully drawn love story, Eiji’s painful past, and the emotional path he traces as he follows his father.

The settings are also memorably written. Tokyo comes alive incredibly — though I’ve got no way of telling whether it does so accurately also. A crazy world of neon signs, organised crime and paranoid citizens contrasts with Eiji’s dreamy, mythical childhood. The memories of him and his twin sister growing up without their mother reminded me of Ahrundati Roy’s The God of Small Things, with their secret languages and enigmatic conversations. But this novel isn’t content to sit in one genre for very long. Though occasionally the narrative’s skipping may irritate a reader who was looking forward to a particular moment that has been glossed over, usually there’s something fresh to save you from your annoyance.

Comedy, romance, crime, family, techno-thriller, historical memoir, coming-of-age, tragedy. As a dodgy advertising campaign must surely have once claimed — there’s something in it for everyone. number9dream is lyrical, sad, happy and vibrant and eminently lovable. You’ll never think of bowling in the same way again, however.

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Eye of Harmony

Went to OPSM today, thinking of getting contacts… left convinced that I wouldn’t, mainly because:

  • My eyesight isn’t all that bad.
  • Contacts require three appointments over 2 weeks, which doesn’t really fit with my imminent departure.
  • Contacts cost more money.
  • I don’t look bad in glasses. Well, no worse anyhow.

Buying glasses is a pain — having to look at myself in a mirror, while being watched, repeatedly is no fun. I’ve realised however that shopping can be quite enjoyable if you’re flirting (or think you’re flirting) with the shopgirl. This of course is not a guaranteed method of making shopping worth doing of course, as there’s no way to ensure you only get female helpers. I’ll get back to you if I figure out a way. Of course, if you’re too busy flirting you may get a really ugly pair of glasses.

There’s been some subtle updates to grapefruit over the last week or so. It no longer specifies a font for the normal text, so you get whatever font you have specified in your browser’s ‘fonts and colours’ panel. The teeny blurbs on the index pages are now ‘in whiches’ in order to come after and not before the title. Boring? Yes! But fun to fiddle about with.

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The Matrix Revolutions

More astute grapefruit readers will notice that while every man and his dog[ftn] reviewed The Matrix Reloaded, I did not. This was because I had nothing nice to say about it. Boring, pointless and dull kind of sums up my opionion on that one. OK, I’ll grant you, the highway chase wasn’t ‘dull’. But I found the Wachowski’s final installment far better.

This time round, the characters know what they’re doing, and they make choices for reasons other than “The Oracle/The Keymaker/The Architect told me to”. Agent Smith actually has a clear objective, Morpheus shuts up, and we see even more of Monica Belluci’s…

Don’t look at me like that. It was blatant, I tell you, blatant.

The battle for Zion in particular is tremendous to watch. There’s a clear logic to the scene, and the audience has to do little of the usual head-fudging necessary to believe that the good guys really could have achieved what they did. The Kid from The Animatrix isn’t quite as irritating this time round, and Link’s wife stops moping about and does something. In general, Zion comes off a lot better here than in Reloaded.

The most important advantage this film has over its predecessor is DESPERATION, however. Morpheus has much less to do, because at this stage of the game, there’s not much call for people to swan about in arrogant declaration that they know what’s going to happen. No one does, not even the oracle, and the crazy foretelling logic established previously is put to good use here. Neo becomes slightly more interesting too, though it appears that there is some clause involving a lack of ability to smile when you become ‘The One’. He does start calling Trinity ‘Trin’, though.

Some have complained about the opening hour or so. While the little story here does seem curiously disconnected from the upcoming events, it does establish the adorable Sati, as well as allowing us a final nostalgic glimpse of original Matrix-style action. Well, final until we see any other action film about. This wasn’t a problem at all for me.

Not that I didn’t have some. The Wachowski’s could learn a bit of subtlety when it comes to love. “Love’s good!” “Love is wonderful!” “Don’t mess with her — she’s in love.” There’s a teensy theme in this film about how love’s nifty — watch out for it. It’s also apparent in how freaking long Trinity-Neo scenes go on for. At one point, having been separated for a bit, Trinity rushes to her lover… In slow motion.

Which would be fine, but I got the impression we weren’t supposed to be laughing at this. Basically, use your 6 year old sensibilities here, and tune out in the mushy bits.

The pointless philosophising is a little less pointless in this film, but amusingly, at the expense of the previous film’s already irritating conclusion. I may have missed something, but it certainly seems that the resolution to much of what the Architect said was “Oh, him. He talks bollocks.” At least, no one spends fifteen minutes explaining causality again. But still, the exposition is laid on rather thick. We’re a long way from the subtle ‘pick it up as you go along’ world-builing of the original Matrix. I counted three times I had the Trainman (who, presumably we can also refer to as ‘The Australian’) and his limbo explained to me.

In the end, this is a decent science fiction film. Dirty rebels fighting technologically advanced enemies, kung fu, lame character interactions, and girls with big boobs. Is it as good as The Matrix? Why, no, of course not. But surely we all figured out that we weren’t going to see anything like that again after Reloaded? You’ll probably enjoy it, but your socks will remain resolutely unblown.

Footnotes

  1. Don’t take this personally, Andy and Shannon.

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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Best. Title. Ever.

Written by Charlie Kaufman.

This movie looks in serious danger of being absolutely awesome. Check out Lacuna Inc.’s website once you’ve watched.

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bits and pieces

I’m not a fan of washing dishes. It’s not a horrible job, it’s just slow. You’d think someone would invent a machine to do it. A dish washing machine. What’s that? They have? And it only took four days to get one? Amazing. Finally. We’ve been saved from a life in the dark ages. Let’s have a look. It’s still at the shop? And I have to go get it because you won’t pay $88 for delivery and installation when you’ve got a lazy son you can bully into doing it for free? And the only car that it will fit in is the one I have to buy the petrol for? Fine.

In happier news I won $70 dollars on a horse race yesterday. Not quite a boodle but a reasonable amount still.

There’s something else happening today but I can’t remember what.

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