There’s, uh, been a few changes. There’ll almost certainly be teething problems, which will of course take me a while to get around to. But hey, enjoy it. Or hate it. Or be indifferent.

Now I have to go. It’s been more than an hour at the net cafe. Ack, I do NOT want to hear how much it’ll cost.

Ah, the Lord of the Rings trilogy is over. No more films that you can guarantee everyone has seen. No more sweeping shots of New Zealand. No more girls perving on Orlando in his cute blond wig. No more insanely long, slow and boring scenes between Elrond and Arwen. No more brilliantly executed fantasy battles. No more pointless slow motion shots. No more Gollum. And, sadly, no new and exciting trilogy adaptation to look forward to for December.

There’s a few categories that people tend to fall into when it comes to these films. The stickler books fan who judges every film by how much it diverges from the books. These sorts are unlikely to enjoy any adaptation, really, but luckily most of them died while watching the theatrical version of The Two Towers. The books fans who don’t remember every exact detail, but have their favourite bits that they look forward to in every film. This is probably my category. Orlando/Viggo/Elijah fans also seem quite prominent. And of course there are many more.

Return of the King probably won’t satisfy all of these people. There’s certainly too many divergences for the stickler to enjoy it. Even my deeply repressed stickler side was raging insanely when he realised that he wasn’t going to even see Saruman in this film, let alone see him get killed. I dread to think how he would have coped if he hadn’t been warned well in advance that ‘The Scouring of the Shire’ wasn’t going to occur in the film. The second decision was clearly justified — there’s about five endings to the films already in ‘Return’ without adding yet another really long one. The first is valid to a point — but frankly I can’t see why they ever cut Saruman’s end out of The Two Towers.

While I’m in this slightly negative territory, I’ll try to get it all out of my system. What’s so cool about slow motion that every single vaguely important moment had to be highlighted with it? The film runs to around three and a half hours, but this probably could have been cut down by at least 30 minutes if a few of these scenes had run in normal time. And would have been 20% less cheesy as a result. Sauron’s eye functioning as a big spotlight seemed rather dodgy, but I can’t think of a suitable replacement representation of his baleful gaze. Elijah Wood’s performance doesn’t really shift gears until the very end, which tends to envelop the whole audience in Frodo’s subsumed, soporific state. And several of the films’ verbal cliches surface again, such as “The something-or-other is over”. Perhaps all those scenes were filmed in the same week and they didn’t notice they’d written the same thing so many times.

Most glaringly to me, Aragorn seems to be missing some key scene where he completely and aggressively embraces his destiny and responsibility, rather than just having Elrond tell him to. Suddenly, he’s in cool armour and giving inspirational speeches, and it just seems a bit of a quick change. Indeed, despite the film being named after him, he seemed one of the least well served characters.

But then, for all these problems, there’s more than enough cool bits. The whole theatre in Banff cheered when Eowyn got potentially the coolest kill of the trilogy. Legolas’ trademarked ‘awesome stunt per film’ was also pretty impressive. Pippin and Merry of course stole every scene they were in — no more impressively than Billy Boyd’s mournful singing during Faramir’s charge. And I challenge anyone not to feel just a bit moved during the final bow to the hobbits.

Minas Tirith proved an impressive new setting as well, with both John Noble’s perfectly disgusting performance and amazing visuals. Sometimes these crazy tall cities take a bit of disbelief suspension in order to fully appreciate, but this one came across as reasonably convincing. Less convincing was the concept that Gondor folk were living in insanely inhospitable conditions on the tops of various mountains, always at the ready to light their rarely-used torches in cases of world-shattering danger. Stickler Tom would of course at this point like to point out that he really did like all the Gondor stuff in the book a lot, and he wanted it in the film, too, no matter how damn long it took. But we should probably ignore him.

It’s traditional to end a review with some kind of conclusion, but I find that I don’t really feel I’ve watched the whole film yet. The Lord of the Rings trilogy is over. The wait for the extended edition finale has begun…

Well, ok, it turns out the difference between blue and green skiing runs is mostly in terms of how much you get hurt when you fall over. My shoulder is in such terrible, terrible pain!

Well, ok, it isn’t now. But it was, honest! How restricting it is for your left arm to hardly work for a few days! I was only able to do web design, eat, drink, and play Xbox!

Yes, I can feel your pity through the internet. In other news, work is picking up a bit over here, the Calgary Flames’ goaltender is under a bit of fire for poor performance in home games, and the other week I spotted Janet Jackson’s boob on television!

But I don’t think anyone else has noticed.

You would not believe the weather I weathered to get to the net cafe today. Oh, the wind, the cold, the pain. Not that many people on the streets today. Though of course, the people coming downwind were giving funny looks to those who were walking upwind in incredible pain, holding their hands over their faces.

Shannon has managed to arrive in Banff and presumably has caused these meteorological disturbances.

Work has become considerably more fun now that we’ve started picking up our weekly share of the tips. Cash cash cash! Consider the SOS cancelled. It turns out we (or more accurately Jackson, Andy and Matt) are fairly infamous in Banff for that sign. I mentioned it in conversation the other day and everyone was like: “That was YOU?”.

I’ll report back next time I can brave the cold…

Ah, life is in a simple pattern now and writing weblogs doesn’t come as easily. Canada begins to feel like a kind of home, even if there are a few crazy differences. We finally managed to have a meat pie (made expertly by Jackson) last night – which was good as I was suffering withdrawals. We’d bought some ‘meat pies’ a few weeks back but the pastry was disgustingly sweet. Ugh.

We found a television guide the other day which has revolutionised our watching. Of course, we only have the three free-to-air channels but this isn’t too much of a hardship. ER was on the other day. I don’t think I’m spoiling too much for Australian viewers to reveal that in the new season, Carter HAS A BEARD!!! Aggghhhh! How can I trust him? I suspect it’s just a lame attempt to make Noah Wyle look vaguely senior.

Finally, we went up a local mountain to do some more filming for the project tentatively titled ‘Igor 2’. It was one of the warmer days here but we still ended up really cold at the windy peak. Especially Jackson who did much of the filming with bare hands sitting in the snow. Matthew and Andy were the actors for the scene and got to do enough moving about to keep warm I think. You’ll all get to see the results… some time…

Damn this working! Who wants jobs? Busy busy busy. I’ll describe a typical day in the life…

Wake up to Andy’s alarm. Turn it off.

Wake up to Andy’s second alarm. Turn it off.

Wake up to Jackson telling me I need to get up and go to work. Attempt to turn him off, fail, get up. Someone’s probably playing Knights of the Old Republic as I leave the house.

At work, I attempt to spend most of my time behind the bar. It’s much more simple and straightforward than seating people, and you’re less likely to offend servers doing it. Though there are some that seem to think that the only orders that come to the bar are theirs.

The place is long and thin, with booths that everyone likes to sit in and tables which they don’t so much. Most things are rather overpriced. Andy, Jackson and I have wandered over and had a burger, a beer, a milkshake and a dessert each and reached the $80 mark quite easily.

Get home after I’m let off. I may get to play Knights at this point. At 9-10 o’clock, Matt will come home and we’ll start dinner. After dinner, sit around, play games, realise I should be asleep if I’m to be up tomorrow, and that I need to go to the post office some time soon. This salient fact will be forgotten until the same time tomorrow.

It’s actually been vaguely enjoyable though. 2003 had a good start and a good end. Let’s hope I can stretch this out a bit more for 2004.

That’s it for this year. A partly successful year. We’ve got jobs and a place and tv so we are set for a couple of months.

I keep underestimating the cold here. I really should wear more than two layers. There’s a vicious wind tunnel in Wolf St which we hate but we have to cross to get to work.

I’ve got pictures of our place and they’ll be up as soon as the loser with the G4 gets off the internet as there’s only one space for laptops here to use.

Jackson’s resolved not to play computer games in 2004. I give him 10 hours before he breaks it.

The front cover of the Polyphonic Spree’s first album The Beginning Stages of… shows the band’s 20+ members standing atop a pile of rubble all dressed in white robes looking rather despondent and distinctly unlike pop stars. Within the bandís number there is a flautist, around four brass players, a few strings, a couple of keyboardists, a harp player and about a dozen vocalists. With many songs consisting of lyrics like “Hey, it’s the sun and it makes me shine” and “days like this keep me warm” repeated ad nauseum the band is starting to look decidedly like a (not particularly good) amateur church music group.

And there is nothing on this album which I can point to explain why they are considerably more than this. The tracks all have straightforward melodies, often seem cluttered by all the instruments and have simple lyrics which are so full of platitudes and niceties would seem more at home on some late night cable religion program. Yet the sum of these not very awe inspiring parts is something truly brilliant. I can’t think of the last time that I heard a record which was so beautifully simple in its message and so full of joy.

Nowhere is this more evident than on “Soldier Girl”. There is nothing complex about the song, with a simple melody repeated over and over as the various instruments — first flute, then guitar, strings, drums, brass and finally something that sounds worryingly like a theremin — come in. Yet by the end of the song your feet will be tapping away and you’ll be joining in the group sing-along of the song’s one lyric — “I’ve found my soldier girl, she’s so far away, she makes my head spin around” — as if they were the most profound sentiments ever recorded. The vast majority of music made today (and almost all the CDs in my collection) concentrate on negative emotions. The Polyphonic Spree show it is possible to make uplifting music without it being sickeningly sugary sweet. In such depressing days it is important that someone is reminding us to “have a day, celebrate, soon you’ll find the answer”.

Ah… solitude. Ish. After three occasionally fun but regularly irritating weeks at the glorious Y, jobs have given us the freedom to rent our own place! Well, jobs and all my savings… Of course, damage deposits are excellent ways of saving money. One day after our employment was secured, we scoured the classefieds and found a very nice, brand new apartment that would hold all four of us easily. Dan and Val were on the look out for a larger place that we could all move into, but our deadline approached and we had to move out immediately…

Jackson and I insisted on spending the first night in the new place, despite having at that stage no bedding to speak of. The apartment has a fridge, microwave, oven (finally, an oven!), dishwasher, washing machine and dryer, as well as heating, and a cute fake fireplace which has adjustable flame frequency and glow strength. Very classy. The carpet is quite bouncy too, but frankly, our first night wasn’t quite as comfortable as I initially predicted. It got irritatingly cold too.

We’re trying to live cheaply at this point, but it’s tricky. We all have creature comforts we crave. Internet, TV, Xbox, doughnuts… These last ones are the killer. At our previous supermarket they were 75 cents each – but we’re now closer to Safeway where they’re only 45 cents. This would save us money, except that because they’re cheaper we usually end up buying two each.

Yesterday we got mattresses, and assorted bedding, which has been a huge help. The mattresses were advertised in the newspaper by a middle-aged Calgary couple, for $25 each, plus $50 delivery to Banff since Calgary’s quite a way away. Unfortunately, due to a clerical error we gave them the wrong address, and they spent an hour wandering around in search of us. In our defence, they’d said they’d be around at dinner time. We apologised profusely, and appeared to be smoothing things over. As we finalised payment, the wife enquired as to whether we’d found the Lord yet.

This took us aback a bit, but being the gang’s resident practicing Christian, I was able to give some satisfactory answers (“Where is Jesus?” “Er, I feel he’s everywhere…”). They insisted on leading Jackson, Andy and I in some kerbside prayer however, which was a bit of an adjustment for all of us, but especially taxing on Andy and Jackson, who’s resolute ability not to laugh at this point greatly impressed me. After the prayer session the wife informed us that now, Jesus was inside us (so my original answer was technically correct). Andy and Jackson managed to avoid answering the question “did you feel anything just then?” and they went on their way, leaving us dazed and confused.

But at least they were forgiving.

It’s probably about time I started focussing on some of the more positive aspects of our stay in Canada, especially now that we all appear to have been employed in a 50’s style diner (more on that next weblog). So allow me to talk about some of our friends.

Louisa is an English girl who arrived with the SWAP programme at the same time as Matt. They both ended up going to Banff, and staying at the YWCA (or the Y, as it is colloquially known). Since then she has christened us her ‘family’, and we all get on splendidly. Andrew has dubbed her the April O’Neil to our Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. She has a boyfriend back in England – her ‘baby’ who shall remain otherwise nameless – who has yet to properly sever his ties with his presumably outgoing girlfriend. Rarely a day goes by without Louisa checking her email or calling home. Well, in fact, none do. She works at Lake Louise Ski Resort five days a week. We often go out for coffees and/or movies. Her boyfriend isn’t completely thrilled that she spends so much time hanging out with four Australian blokes, presumably because he hasn’t seen us.

Dan is a Canadian who has a peculiar passion for card games and a mile wide competitive streak. In fact, from many perspectives he reminds us all of Neil. As another example, both of them need to stop smoking. He’s been playing 500, Oh Hell, and Euchre a lot with us, and often wins. His insistence that I need to build up self-respect has made me concerned that I’m playing my self-deprecating, foolish act with just a bit too much strength these days. After all, it’s no use being underestimated if you can’t be bothered proving people wrong down the track. Dan has long, long brown hair, looks a little like Teen Jesus, and has just gotten a permanent job at the Y. He’s also the world’s formost authority on Subway fast food.

Val is Dan’s Quebecian girlfriend, who wants to go out a lot more than Dan does. We feel a bit concerned that us four have become her competition. Yet she has not yet displayed any strong animosity towards us, despite not being able to understand most of the words we say (though I’m by far the most comprehensible, naturally). She’s a line cook at an oriental restaurant, isn’t getting enough sleep, and should really slap Dan about a bit until he pays her more attention.

Well, that’s the three. In other news, our irritating new roomy got himself fired the other day, in circumstances unknown, and spent the whole of last night and today lying about either in the TV room or his bed swearing quietly and disturbingly to himself. He’s got a gun license so we’re a bit concerned about the possibility of a murderous rampage, especially if he’s ever overheard us talking about him. In other news, the New Yorker writer guy in white shirt and pants is called Rich, and has proven a great mastery of irony, especially for an American. He leaves the dorm in a few days, so the neighbourhood is clearly going to the dogs.

Hopefully we’ll have our own digs very soon. Christmas will suck terribly without them. At least, with jobs, life has ceased to have that peculiar ‘on hold’ feeling.