Witches, flashbacks to the 17th century, magic, and huge intuitive leaps of logic that turn out to save the day. Why, it must be Buffy the Va…

Smallville? Well, alright then.[ftn]

Yes, magic is real in the Smallville universe. Which might save us in future from some lame attempts at technobabble, so I’m all for it. And it seems that magic functions very nicely alongside Kryptonian technology. I just love backwards compatibility. A powerful, Lana-like witch has managed to reincarnate herself through the use of the Kryptonian symbol for “transformation”, and has brought two of her friends back with her. Inside the bodies of Lana, Chloe and Lois.

This week’s story goes some way to explaining how Lana got her sexy tattoo in France. I do hope it doesn’t cease to be an important plot point any time soon, as every episode we get important close-ups on the small of Kristin Kreuk’s back. Imagine how much more interesting Angel would have been if “The Father Will Kill The Son” had been transcribed in small letters across Cordelia’s legs? This merging of plot points and blatant pandering to male fans can only be a good thing.

And while I’m on the subject of pandering to the male fans, I hope we all know what witch-posessing episodes really mean. The excuse to dress the three gorgeous female leads up in sexy black dresses is not overlooked. In fact, Lois’s witch is so happy with her new body’s breasts that she gives them a bit of a squeeze for good measure. I feel patronised. It’s because of shows like this one, and Charmed, that people look at me funny when I say I liked Buffy for the writing.[ftn] Of course, the men don’t have all the fun. Witch episodes also mean shirtless torture of male leads. Which the ladies enjoy. Or so I’ve heard.

What’s the Evil Countess’s plan? What makes you think she has a plan? OK, she does. TO RULE THE WORLD!!! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! I bet you didn’t know Lana had such a brilliant maniacal cackle. Ruling the world entails getting hold of the three Kryptonian stones of power — like the one Clark locked in the cave at the start of the season. And after a wild night of magic-fuelled drunken debauchery,[ftn] Clark is coerced into telling them about it. Things look grim for our hero until ex-coach Jason informs him that destroying the only macguffin in the plot will probably save the day. Duh!

And so life goes back to normal — or rather, what passes for normal in Smallville. The show’s always had rather peculiar morality, but there’s an amusing pro-chastity message this week. On hearing that her alter-ego was “agressively sexy”, the surprisingly virginal[ftn] Lana concludes that she was a slut. Clearly, feminism has yet to reach Kansas.[ftn]

Footnotes

1. Though the episode is written by former Buffy and Angel scribe, Stephen S. DeKnight.
2. Not that I’m demanding this show cease and desist, mind you. Sometimes it’s all it has going for it.
3. Whether Clark’s virginity lasts the night is unclear.
4. Three months in Paris, the most romantic city on the planet, with Jensen Ackles, and Lana’s still a virgin.
5. It’s interesting to note, according to Wikipedia, that Smallville was first identified as being in Kansas in the movies. Previously it had been placed in Maryland in Amazing Worlds of DC Comics #14.

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This entry was posted by the illustrious Tom Charman on Saturday, November 13th, 2004. It concerns such pressing issues as . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.