Congratulations

Uncategorized Thursday, November 4th, 2004

 

Well done, America. Record voter turn out. You might get the hang of this democracy thing one of these days. You’re almost there. Just one, small issue.

You’ve got to vote for the clever candidate. You’ve got to vote for the non-religious candidate. And above all, you’ve got to vote for the candidate who hasn’t led you into a war under false pretences and alienated the rest of the world against you.

You all seem to be missing that. Disturbingly, based on exit polls, the majority of those with college degrees or doing postgraduate study voted for Bush. What gives? You guys are supposed to be the clever ones. The smooth pattern of increased Republican votes for a larger income is quite telling though.

Maybe next time, folks. You know, when the opportunity to vote for Alfred E. Newman has been stolen from you. Unfortunately I won’t be around to check up on you, as I’ll be on Andrew’s planet. Wherever we end up.

I blame Drew Carey.

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This entry was posted by the illustrious Tom Charman on Thursday, November 4th, 2004. It concerns such pressing issues as . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

6 Responses to “Congratulations”


  1. Jack
    November 4th, 2004 at 4:54 am

    Do you think, because obviously we all think lying is okay now, that Tony Blair will get re-elected? Because he’s only ‘pro-war’ leader I happen to like. If only because I believe he at least thought he was doing the right thing and that he apologised after rather than do this whole subtle argument shift that other leaders seem to think is cool.

    It hardly seems relevant really. I’m just looking for any sort of bonus. Could I have a ticket to Andrew’s planet?


  2. Tom
    November 4th, 2004 at 11:17 am

    That seems fair enough. I’m sure there’s space. Any craft worth it’s salt should be reasonably dimensionally transcendental. You about, Andrew?


  3. hayko
    November 4th, 2004 at 8:15 pm

    Hey, that planet is already taken. Though we haven’t decided yet if we send off the people, or ourselves.

    I too wonder how so many feel so sympathetic with him. Did we miss a deciding fact which speaks for Bush? – Aside that he’s part of the simple folk.


  4. Jess
    November 4th, 2004 at 10:40 pm

    Blame the stupid ‘red states’ that he got re-elected. I didnt vote for him, and am proud to live in a blue state. Damn, red states! They know they arent a target for a terrorist attack, so they focus on all of the other issues!
    Anyways, the fabulous Jon Stewart says it best: “here in new york, we’re too close to the gays and the terrorists. we need the red states, who have a safe distance, to protect us. so, on behalf of the blue states, i’d like to thank the red states for saving us from ourselves.”


  5. Tom
    November 4th, 2004 at 11:36 pm

    I noticed your bluality, Jess! Let us spare a thought for Sara, stuck in the middle of a … gasp … RED STATE.

    The deciding fact for Bush is that he’s against gays, stem cells, and abortions. I’d guess.

    And Jess — you can’t fool me, that wasn’t Jon Stewart who said that, it was Stephen Colbert. But yes, Stewart always does say it best.


  6. Andy
    November 5th, 2004 at 3:41 am

    So it’s Sara’s fault. If only she’d rounded up 200000 Kerry supporters and made them vote, this problem wouldn’t have happened.

    Yay for Jon Stewart.

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