Ood • Ooodius Sensoritius

Native to the planet Ood-Sphere, the Ood were discovered by Humanity during the second great and bountiful Human Empire.¹ For many years they were ubiquitous amongst humanity’s intergalactic settlements, with only one or two mass psychotic episodes marring an otherwise harmonious enslavement. They are notable for their squid-like mouths, bald heads, soothing translator balls and unimaginative tailors.

Anatomy

It is speculated that the Ood are related to the similarly bald and psychic Sensorites, from the nearby planet Sense-Sphere. Very bad anthropologists have speculated that the Ood are descended from a crashed Sensorite ship, which descended onto the Ood-Sphere whilst the entire crew were halfway through eating noodles and all having lobotomies. Yes, they say, it’s stupid, but so is a creature which carries its brain in its hands.

Predators

Presumably, none, ever. I mean, fuck.²

Behaviour

With their brains-in-their-hands removed, Ood will alternate between going feral, and slowly turning their captors into Ood, one person at a time. The poisoning ones tend to waste their entire lives for one admittedly cool and gross moment where their human master spews tentacles from his mouth. The feral ones can often be quite effective; especially when their slavers have somehow managed to equip them with translator devices which are devastating close combat weapons. A revolting Ood will kill anyone nearby, but especially characters who clearly deserve death, such as bizarrely mental security guards and cute but morally culpable marketing professionals.

Language

The Ood are naturally telepathic, and when enslaved, communicate a song of oppression which is audible to Time Lords around the cosmos, and could quite feasibly be construed as spam.³

History

The Ood were discovered by an Earth corporation, led by a man so vengeful and depressed that he kept explosive devices next to the one thing which guaranteed the viability of his product. He had a son, too, who was almost a complete waste of a gifted comedic actor and barely got any decent lines.

In 4126, the Ood rebelled against humanity, with support from mysterious strangers known as the Doctor-Donna-Friends. After regaining their freedom, a call was sent out across the stars for the Ood enslaved about the galaxy to return home. Naturally, no one who had paid for their Ood objected to it suddenly wanting to return home, and slavery was ended almost immediately with no issues at all thank you very much.⁴

1. These human empires never feel particularly empire-ish. I want to meet the Emperor/Empress some day. ↩
2. The Ood are officially this year’s DNA-conducting-lightning-solar-flare. ↩
3. Well, alright, that’s probably not what the episode intended to convey, but Donna’s sympathy for the Doctor seems somewhat over the top if he’s only had the problem since they landed. It’s rather like two people visiting an abattoir and the blind one expressing her deep sympathy that her friend can see the animals getting slaughtered. Yes, it’s unpleasant, but hey, at least you’re not being slaughtered. ↩
4. Clearly someone wasted too much time on impressive looking but somewhat pointless crane arm chase sequences to spend time coming up with a vaguely plausible resolution for universal slavery. ↩

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This entry was posted by the illustrious Tom Charman on Sunday, May 4th, 2008. It concerns such pressing issues as Doctor Who, tv. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.