Andy Cocker

Roll up! Betting’s begun. Point your nose at Centrebet. Click on ‘2006 Footbball World Cup’ in the lefthand column and select a category to bet on. ‘World Cup’ has tournament winners. ‘World Cup Group Matches’ has individual matches and ‘World Cup Group Match Specials’ has other categories.

My bets and their odds:

• 5 boodles — Germany to win the world cup — 9
• 5 boodles — England to win the world cup — 8.5
• 10 boodles — Sweden to beat Trinidad and Tobago — 1.27
• 10 boodles — Australia to beat Japan — 2.4
• 10 boodles — Michael Owen first goal scorer in game against Paraguay — 4.75
• 10 boodles — Argentina will get a red or yellow card before Ivory Coast in their game — 2.1

Google’s release of their online spreadsheet made me think that it would be handy to have an automatically embedded spreadsheet with the betting results. Unfortunately Google don’t do that. They only allow people with google accounts to view their spreadsheets. If you want to look at the results in Google spreadsheets and have a google account, email me and I’ll invite you in.

As for the embedded spreadsheet, iRows does it and the soon-to-be results are below. I’ve bet all my money so I’ve got 50 boodles invested. If you want to see everyone’s spreadsheets a search for mywc at iRows shows everyone’s betting details. Before you complain about my sloppy layout and use of functions, you should know that iRows needs a slapping — that little ho don’t like my sumif statements.

There used to be a table of results here. But it no longer exists. Life’s just a series of disappointments, isn’t it?

It is a cold winter’s day. The clouds gather forebodingly as I trudge home. My arrival is greeted with relief by M. There is a mouse in the pantry.

Round 1: He has formed a barricade at the pantry door and attempts to catch our prey in an ice cream tub. The mouse is too quick; slipping through a gap in the cereal boxes; he hides behind the tv cabinet.

Ha! M can not catch a little mouse. I will help him.

Round 2: We form a temporary obstruction across the living room floor. I’m standing on the left, ready to herd the mouse out the back door. He goes right slipping through next to the wall and under J’s door. Into J’s room.

J’s room, for the uninitiated, is a room only a mother would clean. I see the mouse is wily one. I go get mouse traps. M proceeds into the depths of J’s room.

Home again, and J has turned up. Our enemy has a name … Sebastian. United at last, we set out to best our opponent. I set the traps. Going to use peanut butter for bait. Soo tasty. Think I might have some. Some from this trap. If I’m quick I could get a lick … snap and a scream a manly scream a shout from the other room. False alarm; the trap went off in J’s hand, startling him. Traps set, we venture in.

Round 3: Standing by J’s door, I guard the gap under the door. M, armed with a vacuum cleaner, and J, with the ice cream tub, seal off J’s walk-in wardrobe. Both of them enter — prodding J’s shoes to flush out Sebastian — but it’s crowded, too crowded — there’s men and mice everywhere. J leaves to get more space — the barricade is knocked and Sebastian is away. Under J’s bed he’s on my shoe: the very same shoe which is blocking Sebastian’s access to the rest of the house. I admit; there was a moment of panic I’m ashamed to say. I moved my foot to dislodge our visitor and he’s through the crack and out into parts of the house unknown.

We could admit defeat and call T. He’d deal with Sebastian. But we’re too proud. The traps are set. I can wait.

For this World Cup, as well as actual betting, I’m running a virtual betting competition, called My World Cup. If you’d like to enter My WC with me and have the chance to lose the shirt of your back, or win big, just express your intentions below. Any number of people can partake in My WC, the more the merrier. Entry’s free so stop tossing up about it; come join atypicalreview’s largest betting competition.

The system is thus: at the start of the round robin everyone will have 50 virtual dollars, called Boodles, to bet on the matches. Post the amount you are betting and the odds (taken from tab) and what you are betting on.

At the start of the knockout phase everyone will get another $50 to bet so those who lose it all early will have a chance to get back in.

• June 1st: DS Lite released in Australia
• 2nd: iinet installs DSLAMs in Cheltenham and start transfering customers to faster broadband. We buy a faster modem.
• 3rd: Doctor doesn’t accidentally land in London and prevent an alien invasion.
• 4th: Angelina Jolie turns 31
• 5th: The one true iPod is supposed to be released but isn’t.
• 8th: Mario returns (For sickos who like old Italian plumbers with moustaches)
• 9th: Football World Cup begins. Get your betting caps on.
• 12th: Public Holiday. Woooooo!
• 14th: Lois and Clark season 1 DVD release
• 15th: Brain Training released.
• 17th: DS connection tour at Chadstone
• 18th: DS connection tour at Eastland
• 19th: Bug Off competition in Animal Crossing.
• 20th: World Juggling Day
• 25th: George Orwell turns 104
• 26th: The one true iPod isn’t released again.
• 29th: Superman Returns
• 30th: Superman’s Birthday. He got back just in time for presents.

Nintendo says “Wii will rock you.” By which they mean that they’ve renamed their next console. It’s not Revolution anymore. I don’t hate the new name. It’s unique. It’s … sigh … it’s just that it’s pronounced ‘wee’ — as in urine. I sympathise; I understand the troubles of choosing a name. But Wii?

I’m pro-choice. I believe that a baby should be brought into this world with a loving family or not at all. So that’s why this week I cancelled my DS Lite order. The price is not going to be dropped to the original price of US$169 for weeks, so I could have waited or incurred the import tax. Neither option is palatable. Would it be a loving family if every time you looked at your baby you thought how much it cost you a hundred dollars more than necessary? Or that you could’ve’d it weeks ago? I was chatting to a guy on the net and he said that he’s never been taxed even thought he’s imported lots of expensive stuff. Google showed me pages from the Australian government suggesting either a $250 limit or a $1000 limit. So I might’ve been able to import without the extra cost. It’s like being told your baby may be born with an extra foot or muscular dystrophy. I didn’t want to live with the uncertainty.

Other reasons for the cancellation:

• My excitement about the DS Lite has gone. With the delays, price rises and Australia never getting anything first I feel bitter about the whole situation.
• I was also worried that I would love one child more than the other, that I might shun the orginal as if it told me that it was emo.
• Lik-sang have cancelled their payback points so the DS Lite and a recent games purchase would’ve got me up to 3/4 of a free game. No more.
• The DS Lite has a different power cord to the original, so I would need an adapter of some sort. I’ll wait for the Australian release, whenever that is.
• There’s also rumours of a black DS Lite.

I found it better to put the whole affair out of my mind.

On an unrelated matter, Mike, do you live in Auckland?

GNAH!! Stupid importing. The price of the DS lite was originally supposed to be $230. I have no problems paying that. It turns out that everyone wanted one, so the price was increased to $280. Australian customs taxes any imports worth more than $250. The tax for importing $280 worth of electronics is $95. The shipping cost is $30. I would have to pay $405 for my DS lite. I’ve seen PSPs for less. GNAH!!

It’s been two weeks since I ordered you,
Dropped my arms to the keyboard
and said “Buy Now”
Five days since I laughed at you and said
“I’m gonna quit my job and just play you”
Three days since your release date
When you said to me that you would be shipping,
How long will I wait?
Tomorrow you might smile at me
But it’ll still be two days for international delivery.